The Official Writing Challenge
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The double entendre of the title mixed with the theme of the story is excellent and your sprase use of words to tell your story proves the point that "less is more"
This may be a sad story, but it is wonderfully expressed.
05/02/08
Oooh....wow. There is so much said here in so little words. I wonder what he'll do next, the silence between them was quite the setting for this. A favorite of mine this week, excellent job! ^_^
05/03/08
This is the essence of "tough love", sometimes the only love a mother has left that will make a difference. You have portrayed it perfectly.
Your story gripped me.It is so very visual, and you told it masterfully.
Your story gripped me.It is so very visual, and you told it masterfully.
05/04/08
So visual and masterful and just amazing. Wow. Not sure what else to say.
I was drawn into the story by the first paragraph and the rest did not disappoint. Excellent writing!
05/05/08
Wow--this left a huge thump in my throat. What a powerful, yet simple, story. I really liked the format, the phrasing. Excellent job with the topic.
05/05/08
You built the tension in this story beautifully and then sort of released it at the end...I would've loved to see a happy ending, but I have the freedom now to make one up instead.

Simply marvelous.
05/06/08
This piece crackled with emotional electricity--mine! :) What a story! It has suspense, mystery, mood, and feeling. Very well done!
05/06/08
Wow...what a understated narrative of the heartbreak of tough love. Very well done.
Wow. Excellent! Something no mother ever wants to go through, but it's the mark of a great mom if she does what is needed.
05/06/08
So very masterful--to fully characterize the mother, without having her utter a single word. Outstanding.
05/06/08
Very powerful writing. The silence of the mother - it is not how we expect mothers to act! Very readable.
05/06/08
This reminded me of a young man I know who had to go through a similar experience in order to come to his senses. Very visual and well done.
Wow. You said so much without a single line of dialogue between the mother and son. That right there is truly masterful writing.

I really liked the ending, because it allows me to picture my own ending to the story, and I am picturing this son turning his life around for the good because of his mother's actions.

Thank you so much for sharing this. This is one of my favorites this week.
05/06/08
You kept my attention throughout. Makes one think what parents must go through when their children fall away like this.
I brought away from your story something totally different than your other commenters. But that's the beauty of an open-ended plot like this: freedom to draw one's own conclusions. To me the mother had been cold all along and that was why Jeremy came into such terrible consequence. She was exhausted from running from her own guilt and her showing up to release her son was a first tentative step in the right direction. She circled the block, came back and picked him up. :)
Yea for Mom. Tough love is just that. Loved the open ending, I can sit here and make some up.
05/07/08
Excellent! I once interviewed a juvenile offender who told me the hardest thing about being arrested was the look on his mother's face. The handcuffs and shackles paled in comparison to the disappointment he knew he had caused his mother! So well written and maybe a great piece of a longer story?!?
But, but, but, I want more! This is so GOOD! It absolutely has the makings of a novel. Let me know when you finish chapter two.