The Official Writing Challenge
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05/01/08
Moving story. Lovely touch with little Jason diving in to help his mother save the sister.
You've expressed mother love beautifully here--determined to save her child, even if it would cost her own life. Your description is excellent.
05/02/08
I thought that the way you intersected the anthropomorphism with the real world was very effective. This was a refreshing take on the topic.
05/02/08
Oh yay for Tess! And I'm so happy that Jolene made it. I loved the fact that both mother and brother were working to save her. The ending was great though, in truth, really, they're not so different. I enjoyed this-especially the rainbow. ^_^
05/04/08
Just lovely - beautiful characterization, and I LOVE the "human" example thrown in for good measure.

(and now, of course, I am WRACKING my brain to remember who writes the "Tess" stories. It'll come to me) ;)
Mothers are not so different, even across the species, are they? This was riveting, and very well written. Thumbs up.
05/05/08
Great story! I can even picture it as a delightful children's story - maybe even with a lesson about not wandering away from mom. I liked how you tied it in with human watchers.
05/05/08
Love these stories! :D

Your descriptions are superb,and one of my favorites is at the beginning: "A brisk wind brushes the waters as if swept by an invisible broom."
In just a few words you conjure up a vivid scene!

Excellently written!
I too, think this would be a superb childrens' book. Beautifully written with vivid details. And, I especially love the 4th paragraph from the bottom.
Superbly and masterfully written! From the opening sentence to the last, you conjured up vivid images in my mind -- and you had me holding my breath until Jolene coughed!
Truly a Master. So must to love about this entry like...."her voice is flounced, muted by the wind."

This was a joy to read.
05/07/08
I always find myself at a loss for words when commenting on your pieces because I feel repetitive. Your breath-taking imagery, characterization and descriptions blew me away as usual. You're a brilliant writer. This was my favorite sentence:
In the mirrored lake, the rainbow appears as a perfect, unbroken circle.
05/07/08
Oh, and I also like how you chose to write this one in the present tense. It's very effective in this piece.
As always, you possess a great big toolbox full of brilliant words that you use to craft your stories. You really know how to forge a great piece of writing.

You really had me on the edge of my seat with this one. I was rooting for Tess to save her daughter, and I was so relieved when she (with Jason's help) did save her.

God has blessed you with such a great writing gift, and I greatly appreciate you sharing it with all of us. :)
05/08/08
Boy, I never imagined myself as a swan, but it's easy to do while reading this entry! I agree that children would love this story and enjoy reading the adventures of the two young ones and their parents. I like the sentence about mom breathing her last breath into her off-spring.
05/12/08
Loren,
This is brilliantly written. A beautiful portrayal of a mother's love. I will never see a swan the same way again. Great writing... touched my heart... !