The Official Writing Challenge
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05/01/08
I'm thinking "good for Mallory" as I'm reading your first few paragraphs. Your lesson is excellent in this. I like the back and forth dialog between Mom and daughter. Your ending is heart-warming (especially with the chocolate :) ) !
05/04/08
You went from 3rd person telling to 1st person telling. That was a bit confusing. Also the extra exclamation points are not necessary (at least I've been told) to get your point across. This mother/daughter scenario has been played out a thousand times. Would have been interesting to see a twist. Good overall job.
05/04/08
What a wonderful Mom! Thanks for sharing this story of a listening and supportive Mother. You kept me reading right to the end! :)
With such a supportive mom, Mallory will get over her hurt and see that her life is just beginning and a long way from being over. Thanks for a real mother to daughter talk.
Better she learn this lesson now than later. This read as real to me.
There are no tense problems in this story, as far as I can tell. All of your narrative is in past tense, and the dialogue flows naturally to include past, present, and future, as all conversation does.
I loved the ending!
05/07/08
Beautiful story...loved the dialogue. It makes me ache to have such memories. Well done! Go make yourself a bowl of ice cream with hot fudge!!!!
05/07/08
A change of plans for the better, right? I liked how the mom was there for her and how she shared her own experience, of course, and ending with chocolate is even better! I loved it! ^_^
05/07/08
A very real story, with good reflection for all of us. You showed the mother-daughter relationship very well. Enjoyed this!
05/07/08
I hope and pray my daughters and I will be close enough to have this kind of conversation. Precious!
You have shown a great relationship between mother and daughter. The dialogue is very realistic. And I like the last paragraph too.
05/07/08
I liked this in spite of the common subject. I think you did a good job of projecting the emotions of the daughter and the mom. The emphasis on God's will and plan is critical for young adults to understand. I am so glad this was the central theme. Nice job. Excellent writing.
I went through a similar situation with a girl. I thought she was the perfect one for me, and then everything fell apart. My mother comforted me similar to how Valerie comforted Mallory. I could really relate to this story, and I think you did a fine job writing it. Thank you for sharing it. :)