The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/25/08
Oh a hint of mystery at the end! I loved the twist at how the mom and dad were really the aunt and uncle. I was wondering how you'd work the aunt or uncle in there-but this was good! I especially want to know what happens when she gets to Aunt J's. Nice job! ^_^
04/28/08
Joanney, I didn't see that coming! Usually I spoil a great ending because I read so suspiciously, always trying to figure out the twist. I'm glad you got me. Great job!
04/28/08
Great twist!

A bit of red ink: Watch your use of "had" or "have" helping verbs--many times they can be eliminated and the sentence is often stronger without them.

You may have used the "empty house/empty heart" metaphor a few too many times.

Finally, the term "poetic justice" isn't really what you want there, as it implies that they deserved their fate. What happened to them is more like irony.

That seems like a lot of criticism, but this is actually a very strong piece. The girl's voice is absolutely authentic, and you disguised the coming twist very well. I liked this a lot.
Strong, strong, strong.
Great twist at the end.
Keep up the good words, maybe we will get the rest of the story in another topic this quarter....
Love the voice in this piece. Nice twist at the end. Well done.
04/28/08
Very powerful piece, your MC had a very strong voice, too. Well done!
04/28/08
You sure had the reader fooled. First when I was reading, I was thinking this should have been in the Grandparents challenge, but you were right on....Great surprise ending...Helen
04/28/08
Very strong entry. The voice, emotions, thoughts were perfect.

I lost my parents in a car accident a few years ago--and although I am way older than the main character, her actions and thought-process while cleaning out the house are spot on.

The twist at the end was a total surprise. (I, too, found some unexpected legal papers in my parents' belongings--but it wasn't an adoption.) Great job with the topic.
Very surprising twist at the end. I sure wasn't expecting that.

This story was very sad, and yet it led me to believe that there was some hope towards the end.

Thank you for sharing.
Great twist at the end! You had me fooled too...
04/29/08
Your description of the feelings and actions as your MC was packing up the house reminded me so much of my own grief process when my parents died that I felt like I was right there in the house.

The twist was well done, though I thought that the MC's discovery of who her mother was was rather emotionless, too matter-of-fact. That could be because you were running out of words and had to finished the story.

In any case, this was well done.
04/30/08
A mystery at the end-very nice plot twist. I also would like to read the rest of the story-how she deals with her mother and what happens next! Good story.
This read like prose from a very personal diary, straight from the heart. The story is intriguing and leaves one not only with a sense of mystery, but a whisper of hope as well.
This is such a good story...sad, realistic in voice, and with that mysterious ending that hints of hope. Great writing!