The Official Writing Challenge
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Very interesting story--you kept my interest through the end. I want more! LOL You could bring one of their fathers into the continuation of the story and have a great one for next week's challenge! :-D
06/06/05
Great storytelling!
06/06/05
Certainly an element of Easter I hadn't considered. A smooth execution.
06/07/05
This is excellent execution. Obviously an outstanding talent here. The title caught me right off so I had to read this one first. I'm very glad I did! The expression on the face of the victim is such a powerful message. Perfect delivery. :-)
Great pace and prose. Impressive.
06/07/05
This really belongs in a longer piece - I don't think it works by itself. But you have a great scene to build a short story around. Well done.
06/08/05
This is skillfully written, and the fact that we join the trio already in the midst of their plan works for me! I think that your talent speaks for itself in this piece. Well done.
06/08/05
Very well done, could be part of a major work. Professional presentation.
06/08/05
Gritty, realistic writing that deserves to be a 2-3,000 word story.
06/09/05
Excellent! I loved the imagery of the rain being a quiet chaos, and then the repetition of that same thought later. Good work!
06/09/05
Wow - I had no idea where you were headed with this. Powerful lesson, and a harsh lesson for those young people.
Awesome writing! Powerful message. My favorite line

"In the distance, the city skyline was nothing more than a scatter of stars groping upward into that furious barrier that was the storm. It was just another kind of chaos, like the aimless rain outside the church—"

Wow!
06/10/05
Such a sad world we live in. So much ignorance, suffering and violence. (sigh) A well told story, not quite resolved for me, but I expect that was the author's intention.
06/11/05
Masterfully crafted--flows perfectly. Loved the descriptive writing!
06/11/05
What I love about your writing, Kyle, is your ability to effortlessly pull in the reader. The dialogue is always real and believable. The message I got from this piece was a comparison of the victim that was shot to Jesus, who also was an innocent man murdered by people who didn't know what they were doing.
As always, brilliant writing.
Blessings, Lynda
06/11/05
Ok so I'm glad I found you - and Yes, I was rivoted till the end, and if you don't have a second piece about redemrtion we're comin after ya!
06/12/05
Great writing! You hooked me, so don't leave me dangling. I've got to have the whole thing. This was like a single sample of Godiva chocolate and then the store locks itself behind the one who knows he wants more.
06/12/05
Excellent writing chocked full of lessons and meaning. Very well done.
Kyle, I'm going to go through some of your work and I stumbled across this one first. Amazing. Your style (and word choices/pattersn) is quite similar to Maxx's writings. Beautiful job building the suspense and setting the scene. I loved the ending. "The ceiling lights came on with a blinding, condemning brilliance" this was one of a few perfectly constructed sentance. Great writing.