The Official Writing Challenge
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04/24/08
This is a very good story. We all need to know the rest of the story, so to speak, before we are so quick to jump to conclusions, not just kids. Very good writing!
Laury
04/25/08
This one tugs on the heart. I think this lesson in compassion is good for all of us. (I think I'll have my daughter read this, she's interested in nursing). I like this sentence, "Defiance kindled her annoyance." Your ending is good and welcome. Your title is cute/fun. I really like this.
04/26/08
Wow--that was an unexpected ending. I think your story really illustrates that we often don't give kids enough credit. If Sarah had been told the truth about her aunt, their time together would have been much different. She really did have a compassionate heart.

Nice job with the topic. And I love the title.
04/26/08
This is actually really heart breaking for me. I hate the fact that sometimes it takes a person a harsh wake-up call like that for them to realize how valuable a person is to them...
04/27/08
I wasn't expecting that ending! Your characterization was very good - and I love your descriptions - so subtle, but definitely getting across the message you were attempting to portray. Nice job.
04/27/08
Well done. The last line of the prayer says it all.
Very good message, and written well, too. Many of us don't stop to understand why people are the way they are.
04/28/08
Excellent story with a great message. Great characterization also.
04/28/08
Assuming that the information is correct (and I am) I didn't know that lung cancer could do that to a person. Obviously no one else did either. I wanted more information about why the other members of the family didn't know about the lung cancer, how the stroke happened, and about the difference tha turn-sround in attitude might have made. Sounds like you have a short story in here somewhere.
04/28/08
Wonderful story, teaching a great truth! This would be great as a SundaySchool paper article for junior age kids. (although we all could be reminded to look at others as God does)
04/28/08
Wonderful title, great story, peopled with realistic and sympathetic characters.

A few semicolon issues here and there, nothing major.

I enjoyed the pacing of this, and the mixture of dialogue and action.
Great story here. What a tough girl, should grow into a beautiful person on this inside. Touching ending, how many prayers like this are prayed? Not enough. Keep up the good words.
This made me think, and made me feel compassion for the aunt. Your piece is wonderfully written. Thumbs up.
You kept my curiosity up the entire time as to why the aunt smelled. it's so true that we mustn't judge people before knowing all of the facts about them.

This was a wonderfully written story. I appreciate you sharing it. :)
04/28/08
What a profound piece, with a universal message. Very nice...
Thank goodness for the prompting of the Holy Spirit, even if it takes this guise: "Sarah felt a pang of unexpected guilt" Compassion and empathy can only come from one source and Sarah was slowly learning this. This story seems to hold a much broader range with its rich setting and characters.
Empathy is difficult to learn at any age, but it sounds like your MC just got an effective lesson in it. I've never heard of the lung condition before. Thanks for telling us about that, too.
Sarah's a great kid with a lot on her plate. She's going to pass those tests with flying colours, and her aunt will find a young friend in her.
04/29/08
If this is not a winner I'll eat my chocolate hat!!!
04/29/08
A real defining moment for the MC--caught me by surprise too. Nicely done.
04/30/08
Excellent story, with a real gut-punch ending that I did not see coming. Encouraging to see the MC learning to look beyond herself and seek how to be friends with her aunt.
04/30/08
Oh, poor Aunt...but at least her niece had an awakening moment before it was too late. I didn't know that about lung disease, but it makes sense. What a touching story.
04/30/08
This is a great story to remind people not to be judgemental. You did a wonderful job capturing the attitude of a young girl.
Excellent story with a wonderful message. Great ending.
04/30/08
Oh, so sad! I do hope that Sarah learns a bit more from staying at Aunt Carla's. I felt sorry for both of them, it was like there were two emotions dancing closer then farther apart between them. Great job with this! ^_^
04/30/08
What a good story! Such truth tucked in here, too. Good job!
Great storytelling...you seemed to have packed quite a lot into 750 words. Great descriptions, with a good message at the end.
Excellent story, great writing, wonderful message. And I even learned something about lung cancer. Good job!
Wow. This story has a great message. You told it well, holding my attention from beginning to end.
Well written, compelling, touching, and convicting. Blessings, Angel
04/30/08
Awww, I just love how this ended! I like Sarah; I'm not sure most teens would have learned the lesson. You can tell she's a Christian. Good characterization! The dialog sounds entirely natural, and the story flows well.
05/01/08
Wow Chrissy, this was a great story. A wonderful lesson in compassion.
Great story Chrissy, I loved that Sarah sought the Lord's guidance with her Aunt. Congratulations too, on placing 10th in your level and 31st overall. Well done girlfriend!
05/02/08
Chrissy -- I was so glad this placed in the top 40! Congrats!