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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Uncles/Aunts (04/17/08)

TITLE: Mom’s “Sweet” Auntie from her Mother’s Side, Twice Removed
By Laury Hubrich
04/22/08


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Ever since we were little, my mom’s aunt from her mother’s side, twice removed, came to see us. No one looked forward to these visits, especially not the females in the family. When my sisters and I were little, she had nothing to do with us but we saw how much she bothered our mother. Our poor mom broke out into a sweat each time she saw Great Auntie at the door with a travel bag in each hand. Our mild-mannered mother yelled at us lots while her aunt from her mother’s side, twice removed, was at our house. We could never do anything right. Even Dad, when he saw Great Auntie coming, would roll his eyes and shrug his shoulders. He pecked Mom on the cheek and then stayed away until dear Auntie moved on.

As we got older, we began to dread her, also. It wasn’t until we were in our early teens that we began to resent the fact that she thought she had the right to visit us monthly like she did. She knocked on the door. We peeked out. Shock and horror showed on our faces as we shared the news.

Her hair was red, as red as a bag full of red peppers and just as fiery, too. She wore a colorful array of clothes and they were always mismatched. One favorite outfit of hers was a bright blue skirt and a purple-polka-dotted over-sized blouse which was complemented by red high-heeled boots with fringe up both sides.

She normally gave us sufficient warning, but sometimes she would breeze in unannounced, and with four women in the family, things got ugly at times. Tempers flared. The men couldn’t understand our aversion to this “sweet” Auntie from our mother’s side, twice removed.

It was the girls that suffered the headaches and irritability. She swooped in and tried to take over family routines. It was quite unsettling. Even then, the men of the family looked at us cross-eyed, wondering what our problem was.

We begged and pleaded with Mom to let us stay home from school when our Great Auntie from our mother’s side, twice removed, came to visit. Just her presence here made us want to sleep our days away. It was hard to concentrate on our schoolwork and her visits made us depressed. The dear old woman snored so loud, also, that we all had difficulty sleeping, the men included. Her one redeeming quality was that she would bring big bags of chocolate with her, but because of that, we seemed to always gain weight when she was around.

The four women in our family began to have very real issues with Great Auntie. We were taken to the doctor and given some techniques that would help us deal with this unwanted visitor. When Dad told us that our “sweet” Auntie from our mother’s side, twice removed, was coming, we would gather in a huddle and strategize.

We exercised. We walked, swam, or rode our bikes. Anything to get us out of the house was worth it plus it made us feel a tad bit better. The boys would ask to join us but we said, “No boys allowed,” because they were quite irritating themselves, you know.

Mom showed us breathing exercises, and sometimes she would even give us gentle massages. By the time Mom celebrated her fifty-fifth birthday, this “sweet” Auntie from her mother’s side, twice removed, began to bug her less and less. It really gave us girls hope for our futures. Of course, if Dad would lay down the law and refuse her entrance into the house, none of this would be an issue, but Dad was a gentle man and said, “Girls, family is family. You can’t pick them and you have to love them but you certainly don’t have to like them. It’s just a fact of life.”

We learned that Great Auntie had no place to live and would go from relative to relative for a place to stay. Such a sad existence this poor woman had, and to think of the bad time we gave her for years. So, in sincere repentance, I write this piece. Thank you for reading this ode to my dear aunt Flo, my dear “sweet” Auntie from my mother’s side, twice removed who still, after thirty-three years, comes to visit me. I eagerly await the day when her visits stop, but until then, I strategize with my daughter and we eat Auntie’s chocolate.


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This article has been read 952 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shirley McClay 04/24/08
HAHAHAHA ... awesome.. I wonder how many guys will get this story???
Amy Michelle Wiley 04/24/08
Hahaha! Too funny. Uh oh... I hear a knock.
Marita Thelander 04/24/08
I laughed, I cried, I reached for the chocolate. Well done.
Joshua Janoski04/24/08
Wow. I am a guy and I get who (or should I say what) the auntie is. LOL. That scares me a bit. I need to go play sports or lift weights or something to feel like a man again.

LOL. In all seriousness, this was very clever. You handled the subject in a very tactful and humorous way.

Thanks for sharing! :)
Sheri Gordon04/24/08
Okay, I must admit, (with red face), I didn't get it until I read the comments. (Maybe 'cause I had surgery to keep Auntie away a few years ago. Is that too much information?)

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this--even before I got it. I loved the repeated line about the aunt, mother's side, etc.

Creative take on the topic.
Beth LaBuff 04/25/08
Ha ha… I loved the repeated "from her Mother's Side, Twice Removed" too. You covered everything from the weight gain, sleeping, headaches, then the chocolate. Very, very clever work on this!… This is so funny! (I love Josh's reaction to this too:) )
Patty Wysong04/25/08
I snickered ALL through this! I LOVE it! It's so totally on topic, and yet out of the box and zany, too. I had to come for a second (LoL--third) read. *grin* Love it. Love it. Love it!
Ruth Neilson04/25/08
Oh my gosh! That is so creative...and wrong....LOL!!!!

It never was my 'aunt' it was always my 'cousin'...

*snickers*
Joanne Sher 04/26/08
Oh my LORD! What a RRRRIIIIOOOOTTT!! (snicker, snicker)
Dee Yoder 04/26/08
I'm laughing out loud-and some of my laughter is a bit evil 'cause 'Ol Auntie has stopped visiting me, and let me tell you-I don't miss her ONE bit! What a hoot!
Yvonne Blake 04/26/08
Ha..Ha..Ha.. No one who reads this will have a visit from Auntie-from-their-mother's-side-twice-removed without thinking about this entry!!!
Jan Ackerson 04/26/08
This is beyond hilarious...there's just no word for how clever and funny this is!
Beckie Stewart04/27/08
I think this entry is the most creative way to approach the subject. Never would have thought of this at all and loved it.
Sara Harricharan 04/28/08
oh ROFL! This is too, too funny! I am still giggling-especially with that image of "Great Auntie" still in my head-fringed boots and all. LOL. I love this-especially the 'twice removed' and ending with eating chocolate. That's the best thing to do with "Auntie" lolz. Excellent job! ^_^ This is a favorite of mine this week!
Mandy White04/28/08
If only I were so creative! I'll never forget this one. You forgot to add in a zit the size of a second head!
Debbie Wistrom04/28/08
Laury, how enlightening. How much you have grown in your creativity. I had suspisions early one anly to get confirmation toward the end. Great read!!
Sharlyn Guthrie 04/28/08
I can see why you had so much fun writing this. I "got it" about halfway through. She was called Aunt Martha by the four sisters in my house.
Karen Wilber 04/29/08
Oh, DUH! It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out what the problem was. (Going to the doctor??) When I did get it. LOL. This gets my vote for most creative take this week.
Willena Flewelling 04/29/08
Ooooooh hahaha! NOW I get why Josh was lamenting the fact that he was the only guy who commented on this one!!

I'd never even heard the term "Aunt Flo" till I was almost past it myself... where I come from it was always "my friend". haha

Well done! And I look forward to that sequel....
Chely Roach04/29/08
H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S! This one shall be forwarded around to my fellow 'cousins', who also share a disdain for their evil great aunt.
You're killing me here!
Dianne Janak04/30/08
You got me! I should know better after raising three daughters. I was kind of feeling sorry for the aunt, but now I think this is adorable, clever, a fun surprise and a delight! But I do NOT miss her one bit...
jodie banner04/30/08
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL ROFL I'm still laughing. This is the most original, creative spin on this topic. I never would have had the guts to write something like this, I'm glad you did.
Joy Faire Stewart04/30/08
This is sooo funny and the voice is perfect. Love the last paragraph too.
Aaron Morrow04/30/08
eerrr...ummm...I don't get it...hhmpph...

Just kidding...Hysterical and so creative...I love the father's reaction to the visits...I am ashamed to say that they are so true...

Most excellent!
Pam Carlson-Hetland04/30/08
What a stitch! I'll admit, I didn't start getting suspicious until half way through. Yup - I didn't have an "auntie" either, and it sure wasn't a "friend" but that's how it was referred to in my house. Very clever! Great job!
Angela M. Baker-Bridge 05/01/08
I couldn't get this to work yesterday for some reason... but wanted you to know how much I enjoyed this creative take on the topic. Well done.


   
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