The Official Writing Challenge
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04/24/08
I love your use of Japanese phrases in this. I was totally engrossed in your story. Is it true? Richard's belief in God, evidenced by his actions in both countries is wonderful. I like everything about your story. Your writing is beautiful.
04/25/08
OH! I loved this story! Action-packed! Awesome...
Laury
04/25/08
A well-written story, a cultural lesson, and a scriptural lesson wrapped in one, nice job.
I love the culture in this piece. The dialogue and descriptions help the reader picture themselves being in Japan, witnessing these events.

The lesson in this is also good. The kindness we show others goes a long way in demonstrating that we truly are followers of Christ.

I enjoyed this, and I appreciate you sharing it.
04/27/08
Excellent storytelling. It's all here--drama, suspense, love. And your concluding sentence has all the more punch because of the girls earlier behavior toward their uncle.
The story seem very real and I especially liked the way God uses tragedy to chain our hearts. Your writing and sense of history is very convincing.
04/28/08
Very strong story, and a lesson for us all.

You might reconsider your use of speech attributions like admonished, clarified, pressed. It's far more effective to have the person's actual words do the admonishing, clarifying, pressing...and then just stick to "said" if you're using a tag at all. Or let the action of the sentence be the tag...better still.

I love stories with historical atmosphere and setting. They stretch me as a reader and as a person.
04/28/08
So very good...I loved Richard-san; I loved the whole story. Awesome.
04/29/08
I had no idea where you were going with this. What a wonderful picture of God's love reaching across culture and race.
Loved this tale and the lessons. Keep it up.
Great job! You've handled a sensitive subject well, and made an enjoyable story out of it.
04/30/08
I remember the first time that I learned about the camps for Japanese-Americans and how shocked I felt. I just recently learned that my husband's dad was put in a work camp during WWII for being an Amish pacifist, too. Many unfair things happen during war...you paint a vivid picture of the consequences of some of those decisions, but the hope at the end of your story is quite meaningful.
04/30/08
I loved the Japanese culture in here! It's so fresh and especially with the bit of history inside, very nice! I liked that Richard did save them all and at the end, when the girls heard the others yelling, they shot back with "No he's our uncle!" Nice! ^_^
04/30/08
Just excellent in storytelling and history and characterization. I was blessed, as always, to read your piece, Peter.
05/01/08
***Congrats! I'm so glad this one made it! Awesome writing! ***
05/01/08
Congratulations! Brilliant as usual!
05/01/08
Peter - Masterful job of pulling us into another time and culture. I found it ironic that my story this week was also about Japanese and Americans in WWII. The two stories combined remind me of how complex both war and peace really are. Good job!
05/01/08
Congrats on your EC!!
05/01/08
Congratulations, Peter! This is a wonderful story.
05/01/08
Congratulations on your EC, Peter. I love how you mixed the two cultures. Very good job with the topic.
This is so nice to see, well-deserved, well-written. Congratulations, Peter. I really enjoy your work. Loren
05/01/08
This was a great piece on the superficiality of generalizations. It is so much easier to judge a group than to take the time to see into the heart, and you conveyed that truth beautifully.
05/01/08
Awesome story. Congrats!
Gripping, well-written story! COngratulations on your EC.
05/04/08
Such a gripping story, Peter. For some reason, my heart sank when I saw the title, thinking the story was heading for a nuclear holocaust. Shows how paranoid we get. This was a pleasant surprise. Well deserved EC.
I can't fully agree with Jan's comments about the dialogue. Sometimes, as in this case, it clarifies the context and tone of the dialogue, where the words themselves are insufficient. Yes, other times we can put the right intonations in the words themselves, or add it subtly by e.g. describing the speaker's body language etc.
Lots I can learn from this piece. Well done!
05/04/08
The national context is intriguing. Your message a good message for us Americans who so often think it's all about us. And your spiritual message is one we all need to hear. Great demonstration of Christianity in action. Congrats on your EC! Blessings!
05/07/08
I have only one complaint about this story---I wish it could have been longer!!! Wonderful! Absolutely wonderful story telling. You had me spell-bound from start to finish. Too bad there could be only ONE first. You would have qualified....Congratulations for placing, in the ED Choice...Helen
05/08/08
As one who is familiar with writing Japanese-themed stories, you did a great job in getting the culture right and the views of both American and Japanese cultures in marrying someone who looks different or is a "gaijin." Great job!