The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
04/25/08
Your "contiguous zip codes" phrase is great. :) If this is true… it's so sad that your were beaten. Your childhood desire for a loving dad is so well described. The role models of your aunts and uncles are wonderful. If this is fictional… you did a great job of writing. I still call the evening meal "supper." :)
04/26/08
I enjoyed these little character sketches - gave me a little glimpse of each of your aunts and uncles.

Since you asked for a critique, I have a few suggestions for you. It is very important to have a creative "beginning" - a good "hook" at the start of your story to keep people reading. Think about maybe some dialog, or a bit of odd characterization to grab the reader from the start.

Also, this almost read, at least toward the second half, like a "laundry list" of relatives. Perhaps focusing on one or two, with more detail, might make this stronger.

This was a very enjoyable read.