The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/19/08
Okay, I guess no one else is brave enough to ask. This is very nice writing but where is the father in it? I kept expecting him to be right there to grab hold but he was never mentioned. This was excellent writing, though, just not sure if it was on topic. Maybe I missed something. That is entirely possible. I really hope I am.
I read this and wondered maybe who the Does he know? question is about. I like your style of writing and am used to thinking and reading, I just felt like maybe a paragraph is missing for telling part. I still want more though.
04/22/08
Ok, this is a total guess, but is this about a dad who teaches his son to swim?!(from the son's POV?) The writing is good...I just wasn't sure what or whom you were referring to in the title.
04/23/08
Ah...I just read your hint, Sally. Creative way to write-I think I got it, in part anyway!
04/23/08
Explaining it now... It's an analogy. The rock represents the father, and the ocean represents the boy's future--he's stepping out into the big world.
Does he know I'm drowning out here? Does he care?
I think I would call it an extended metaphor, and I like it.
I love the image of the "wrinkled rock."
Thanks for the reminder that the ocean can be as scary for our kids as it is for us ol' wrinkled rocks.
04/23/08
I like it, Sally. I think if I'd taken the time to think about it more, I'd have gotten the whole picture. (: I like it because it doesn't come right out and scream the topic; very subtle. Your explanation comment shows me that I only got a portion of your picture the first time around, though. (Hee-hee.) You took a chance and it WASN'T a complete failure; it has a brilliant concept about it.
04/23/08
So nice! Wow-I feel happy here, I didn't have to look at the explanation, but when I did, I was right! Teehee. I liked this, the descriptions and the way you arranged the words. Very nice.
04/24/08
Amazing! Your writing is so smooth... I love this, "through the watery ceiling above him. His mouth opened to imbibe the salty air in triumph." I love your creativity with this.