The Official Writing Challenge
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04/17/08
Not only did your writing cause me to share the MC's thoughts as though they were my own, but the gift of being able to see your first born was overwhelming, considering the alternative. It immediately reminded me of all the emotions I felt when I first set my eyes upon my own daughter.

Bravo. Well done.
04/20/08
This is very good but leaves me with questions. You need more word count to explain things to us -- LOL! Very good and loved the ending.
04/21/08
This is written very well--I "felt" the emotions from both the husband and the wife.

I know this is a very small snippet of the whole (true, correct?) story, but, I think it gets lost in the word limitation. There are too many before and after questions for the reader.

This really pulls at the heartstrings, and would be superb as part of a larger work. Like a book, perhaps? :)
04/21/08
You have done two things extremely well...

You showed perfectly how a man thinks even when he doesn't say what he thinks.

And you capture the feel of seeing with no eyes. I actually closed my eyes a couple of times to sense the smells and sounds you described.

Great writing.
04/21/08
Marvelous--one of your best. The last few lines had me swallowing stones.
Excellent writing. I agree that it needs to be expanded. It's a story that needs to be told in detail. You've portrayed this man's emotions so well, especially in regard to his wife. For this topic I would like to hear more of his feeling toward his newborn.
04/21/08
Very touching story, especially his concern of never seeing his newborn and trying to memorize his son's face. Great job.
04/21/08
Ah...this glimpse into the world of a man who loses and then gains his sight is wonderful. My BIL lost his sight through a shooting at his work place; it's a devastating loss. So glad the ending supplies hope and love and a contented heart for the blessing of even limited sight. Wonderful!
Gulp. Swallowing hard here. I love this! If you don't place high with this, tell them to come see me! LOL
04/21/08
A lovely tender story. So glad he regained some of his vision. Made me think of how dim our spiritual eyes are - For now we see through a glass, darkly. (1 Cor 13:12)
Oh, Joanne! No red ink from me! I understood the story perfectly. I lived the story through your fine descriptions that touched my senses.This is outstanding writing!
I saw, heard, and felt all of this. It is very well written, and the ending is wonderful. I don't know if this is your husband's true story, but from what little I know of him, it sounds like it could be.
I don't want to give you any red ink. Only you can write this the way it should be written.
A delightful, tender story of love. I loved the voice of this and sharing the MC's thoughts. I'd love to know what happened before the hospital scene. Excellent, I loved every bit of it.
During the first hospital scene I said, "This is splendid, tactile writing, but where is the topic?" But it was waiting in the wings and when it did come forth showed itself the star it was meant to be. Your story is emotionally impacting and reader involving: the mc and his wife full of yearning and that is supposed to be primary to good story telling. In fact I'll have to be really picky to find a red ink item, but here goes. I thought maybe you struggled with the ending, needing a few more words to explain the father was granted partial seeing ability, or perhaps even with the outcome, whether to leave it in the air or give the reader something more positive. But I was happy with the ending you chose.
04/22/08
You didn't tell me I'd need a tissue when I read this! This is fabulous. I was there with you...So good. You've got to do more with this! Hugs!
Was this based somewhat off your husband's true story Joanne? I remember reading about your husband's vision loss, so I just wondered if his story was the inspiration for this. It is a beautiful story. it touched my heart, and I love it!

You did a great job with describing the environment from the viewpoint of someone who couldn't see anything. I didn't see where the ending was lacking. I think you did well with the amount of words available to you.

Thank you for sharing this. :)
A novel compressed into a paragraph, without losing any of the emotion, impact or WOW factor. Well done.
A gripping and poignant story. You did a great job with the first person, male POV, I think, but as I'm not a guy...
Written in an absolutely transfixing voice. The emotions, the sounds, setting were all so real that it was transporting. An ability to have your reader empahathise with your MC is not easy, but you've done it with wonderful, inspiring grace.
04/23/08
Oh, this was great! I loved the details you put in, and the descriptions. And the ending was, of course, wonderful. :)
04/23/08
Nothing short of AMAzing!
04/23/08
Ah Joanne! I love your title in light of your story. I think it is "your story", right? It's absolutely beautiful. (I had to dab at my eyes too.)
04/23/08
Touching...beautiful... wonderful!
Thanks for sharing with us. Praise God for at least limited sight. I enjoyed the personal story this week.
04/23/08
WOW! This is really, really good! I can only say that it is great with the descriptions, the POV, everything. Wow! Nice writing! ^_^
Lots of meaning and very moving, a man who can't see but determines to see without his sight. In his own words, "I must not forget." Great line.
04/24/08
Very touching story of a man with a heart of gold who has learnt to appreciate God's gifts within the bounds of his handicap, rather than being embittered by it. Great writing.
I finally get to read this engaging story! I can SO see this as a book, building up to this time, and describing his struggles since then. You write this so well, I was crying at the end even though I know the story!!! Great job. Please expand!