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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Easter (05/30/05)

TITLE: The Real Deal
By Debbie OConnor
06/03/05


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“No, Gary. I’m sorry. I have someone else in mind for prom. You know I like you …”

Gary was disappointed. Mary had a momentary pang as she clicked off her cordless phone, but turned her mind toward Jason – the boy who had eluded her throughout high school.

Not this time, she smiled.

Mary took especial care with her appearance. She diffused her long, curly blond hair until it hung in spiral ropes. She meticulously applied makeup and sprayed her favorite perfume into the air above her head. She slid into her favorite green dress and found the sling back sandals that matched. She checked every angle in the mirror. Perfect.

She found Jason at his locker. An eclectic mixture of jocks, nerds and nobodies that Mary couldn’t comprehend surrounded him. Jason is nice to everyone, she reflected.

“Hi Jason,” she said, suddenly nervous.

“Hey Mary. What’s up?”

“Can I talk to you alone?”

“Sure,” he said, looking puzzled.

They walked outside. Mary smiled her most winning smile, “Jason, will you go to the prom with me?”

Jason looked floored. “You’re asking me to prom? Mary, you must have had a hundred guys ask you already.”

She laughed and tossed her hair admitting, “I’ve had a few invitations, but Jason, I’ve always wanted to go out with you. We’ll be going separate ways in June.”

“True.” His face was a deep shade of red. “Mary, I’m honored you asked me, but I have to say no.”

“No?” Mary was dizzy with shock and shame.

“I’m part of a youth worship band at church. We’re performing a special on Easter Sunday. We’re practicing Saturday night.”

“Oh, umm, okay,” Mary said feebly, turning to walk away.

“Mary? Would you like to visit my church Sunday? We could grab lunch with my friends afterward. It isn’t prom, but it will be fun.”

Mary turned to search Jason with her eyes. He looked sincere.

“Okay,” she heard herself say.

“Great,” Jason grinned, relief etched all over his face.

Mary spent the rest of the day trying to figure out why she had agreed to attend Jason’s church on Easter Sunday. Mama’s going to have a fit!

“You’re not going to prom?” her mother was incredulous.

“No. I wanted to go with Jason Saunders, but he can’t because he’s practicing with his worship team. He invited me to go to church with him the next day.”

“That’s Easter Sunday, Mary!”

“I know Mama. I can go to Mass Saturday night and visit Jason’s church on Sunday. We’re going to lunch with some friends afterward. It will be fun.”

“Go to prom with someone else and attend Mass with us on Easter Sunday.”

“Please, Mama? I really like Jason. School’s almost out. I’ll probably never have another chance.”

“Do what you want, Mary. You know what I think.”

“Thanks Mama!” Mary hugged her mother and went to attack her homework.

Mary’s stomach churned with anxiety as she entered the Abundant Life Church. It was a new sensation. She found her way to the front. Jason was on the platform with his band. He smiled and waved.

Mary sat down. After a few minutes, Jason joined her and service began. Everyone was clapping and singing. She read the words to the song on the PowerPoint screen and tried to sing along. Jason closed his eyes and raised his hands. He looked different. I feel different, she thought.

After worship, the pastor introduced himself and ushers took the offering.

“I’ll be back,” Jason whispered.

Jason reappeared on the platform with his team. They played a fast-paced Christian rock song. They’re good, Mary thought. Afterward they played a slow, intimate song that astounded Mary; it was so personal and loving.

Jason suddenly stopped playing. He laid his guitar on the stage and raised his hands. He seemed to glow. He sank to his knees.

Mary felt something she hadn’t felt in a long time -- something pure, holy and tangible. It frightened her.

She ran out of the sanctuary. Fumbling to unlock her car, she prayed desperately, “Help me, God!”

The key went in. She got inside and cried. She saw her life, with its petty achievements and successes for what it was…empty. She remembered her confirmation, the only other time she had felt that holy presence.

“Dear God,” she prayed, “Please…I want to know you like that.”

Suddenly, there was peace. Mary got out of her car and walked back into the church.


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Member Comments
Member Date
Karri Compton06/06/05
Nice story. The beginning was a bit confusing - first, Mary is hanging up the phone, then she's fixing her hair and makeup (in a bathroom, maybe?) and then she's at Jason's locker. We need some sort of explanation of time passing or that she's gone from home to school.
I wish we had endings like that in real life!
Kyle Chezum06/06/05
Good job! A touching story.
Sally Hanan06/06/05
Yes! That's one less number on Satan's tally board :)
Sandra Petersen 06/08/05
Good dialogue. Very readable. Mom gave up a little too easily even if the girl was just about to graduate. Because the girl was obviously Catholic I can foresee several conflicts should you extend this story into a novel. Would this have worked if she was just a girl who didn't attend church at all?
dub W06/08/05
I have some misgivings in the story line, the structure is Okay, and I appreciate the theme.
Shari Armstrong 06/09/05
You touched on a sensitive topic for many Christians in a creative way. It would be good to expand on it, and explore the dynamics between the characters.
Amy Michelle Wiley 06/09/05
I like how you show that Jason, as a Born-Again-Christian, is different.
darlene hight06/09/05
The Dialog and character development was well done. I agree that mom needs a little work but the two main characters are well thought out and believable. I enjoyed the premise of the story. Having a prom on Easter Sunday? not sure that I can buy that one. Well done!
Val Clark06/10/05
Not being American I find it really hard to connect with this story. However the characters are believable and I think that you handle the protestant/catholic issue well by telling us that Mary's confirmation was also a holy experience.
Crista Darr06/10/05
A powerful ending! It evoked a sweet feeling in me. I believe this story will draw the lost to the Savior.
Maxx .06/10/05
I don't see this as necessarily questioning Catholicism... instead, it questions the girl's specific faith. Could be any kid raised in any church who hadn't developed a personal relationship with Christ. Nice story development, great characters. I give it 2 thumbs up. :-)
Suzanne R06/10/05
I'd have gone to the prom with someone else AND to Jason's church and skipped mass myself! But seriously, I like the way you showed the importance of our faith affecting our whole life. I found the story just a little confusing (could be just me being unfamiliar with the whole American school environment ... make-up, proms etc) ... had no idea she was a school student because the make up and curls threw me, then pictured her as a school girl, then her having her own car threw me again. But again, that could just be cultural. I think you've done a good job - well done.
Delores Baber06/10/05
Well written to hold one's interest. I agree with Darlene, Prom on Easter is strange. Prehaps that was added to tie the challenge topic of Easter to the story. I liked the fact that seeing Jason filled with the Spirit made her hunger for that intimate relationship that is available to all who call Him Lord. Sometimes years past when we go from being nominal Christians to Spirit-Filled Christians. What she saw in him she knew she hungered for. May we live and worship in such a way as to cause others to hunger for a closeness with God.
Joanne Malley06/11/05
Nice interacation between the characters and a very happy ending! I didn't get the impression the prom was on Easter Sunday, but on the Saturday evening before. Maybe I interpretted it wrong. A few areas were a bit unclear only because of the transition from one setting to another, but all in all, a sweet, enjoyable piece. :)


   
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