The Official Writing Challenge
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Wonderful imagery here and I was a bit teary with the rest of your characters.
The descriptions are so vivid and excellent job showing emotions. I was very touched when MC saw her dad's tears.
04/11/08
I loved reading this. You created a lot of interest with your title and your descriptive writing is very good. You bring about many emotions. What a labor of love you and your father did, I'm glad I was able to read this. The ending was wonderful.
04/12/08
You have captured the special devotion of a family returning to visit the grave of a loved one--something that is less and less common, and can leave such an impact on children. This is something my children will continue with their children, I hope, passing along the memories of the generations that have gone before. Really lovely story.
04/12/08
I had lots of questions as I read: How did grandpa get to his first resting place? The jump from the first scene to the second was abrupt, but resolved when you explained the move. Interesting story.
04/12/08
Very good story telling. Its fun to experiment, isn't it? Good job. Excellent work, as always!
Laury
04/12/08
Wonderful imagery and characterizations pulled me into your story. I like the ending and the tie to her grandfather and what she felt she missed.
Beautifully written with great imagery. I could see it all, and enjoyed reading this.
04/12/08
I LOVE the ending, and your descriptions are so vivid. Very good.
04/12/08
I want to know so much more about this man, and the history behind why he was buried there in the first place. He must have been a great man to have this much impact even after he is gone.
Excellent, excellent writing. Your word choices are superb.

Just a technicality: I would only skip one line between paragraphs. Also, I wanted more information during the transistion. DId they move the stone? Why was it in the first location, etc.?

I loved the ending and especially the last line. This is a very touching, creative entry.

04/12/08
Thanks so much for all the wonderful comments...

I usually don't add anything in my own comment space, but I wanted to answer the several queries about why the grave was moved.

I only touched on it in the first paragraph; the cemetery was abandoned and neglected. If memory serves me, the owners went bankrupt and left town. Without a caretaker, it became a snake and rat infested mess. My poor Dad was beyond furious...
What a great tribute to the grandfather you never saw. The love showed by his son says it all. Beautifully written, very well done Chely, very well done!
The transition was smooth. A lot nicer than the *** that I often use. :)

I wondered why the cemetery had been neglected, but I read your explanation above.

I figured out why I love your entries so much. Your word choices are brilliant. You have such a robust vocabulary that you use every time that amazes me.

I seriously think you will be getting an Editor's Choice before long.
04/14/08
Chely, this is beautifully done. You asked specifically about the transition: I loved it. I far prefer transitional phrases to rows of asterisks, especially in pieces this short. Your writing is a gift to us all.
04/14/08
Oh Chely, this was both beautiful and moving! I can see why your father was so touched! Thank you for sharing this tender piece of your families history. Good job and God bless.
04/15/08
Love it, Michele. The details of the mosqutio bites made me itch as I can well remember having blood streaked arms and legs!

Beautiful memory!
04/16/08
This is simply beautiful-I did something like this with My Mom when we went 'back home' to see her father's grave. Brought back some memories-really good job here, I hope this does well! ^_^
04/16/08
Your descriptions are out of this world. I find myself hanging on the word choices, not wanting to move on to the next sentence. My favorite? Hard to choose, but I loved this: The trio openly wept bittersweet tears. The scab of an old wound ripped away, oozed with fresh pain; their sorrow mixed with the joy of a horrendous wrong now made right.
04/16/08
Oh goodness, this one got to me. The line "Previously, just the black and white picture of a ghost perched on a piano; he suddenly became very real to her. " spoke to me, as I have a relative I never knew except through pictures.

I live in the south and I could feel the sticky, buggy, heat through your description. Nice work, ugh. ;-)
04/18/08
Congratulations, Michelle, on placing 13th in your level and 33rd overall with this piece. Great work!
04/21/08
You continue to amaze me with your stories. They always draw me in. Keep up the great work.