The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 843 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Awesome writing! The beginning was a tad slow and I saw the twist coming, but the understated details like having him open the window instead of outright saying Tom smelled is totally superb writing. I would enjoy reading a whole book about this PI.
I loved the "heart" of youn PI and the twist at the end. The descriptive details drew me in.
An enjoyable read. I should have guessed sooner than I did, for whom the client would be searching, but at least I figured it out before the name was given.
Spell check is great, but won't catch the errors such as "way" for "away," or "widow" for "window," as proofreading will.
03/15/08
When I read the last line of this entry - I burst into tears. Good stories do that to me, and THIS IS definitely one of those! Great job, and I loved the MC. I have a serious case of Attention Span Disorder, but had no problem at all with this excellent writing - it kept me glued from beginning to end. Great Job! Super creative! Kudos, Kudos, Kudos!
03/16/08
Oh, this is lovely. The ending was a complete surprise.
03/16/08
Very touching and a creative twist. Well done!
Loved this story and your kindhearted PI. I'm usually pretty good picking up the "twist" before the end of a story, but you completely fooled me. Well done, very well done :)
03/16/08
What a sweet, big-hearted story! I love it.
03/16/08
Your ending got me. I thought he was going to lose the job and find out something horrible about Tom, great story.
03/16/08
The voice of this is just right for a PI tale - especially the beginning. This IS on-topic, and I love the twist at the end, as well as the characterization. Nicely done!
03/16/08
What a wonderful story. I enjoyed this so much! I, too, see it as on topic...and also a very lovely, heartwarming story. Loved the "opening the window" line and others where you did a great job of showing rather than telling. Well done.
03/16/08
This was great...awesome little twist, and incredible writing. Loved it.
03/16/08
Great characters in this story, Chrissy. I love the twist at the end-it gives it a little spark of good hope for Thomas and for the MC. I enjoyed reading this!
I didn't see it coming until just before it was clear. I, too, thought something would happen to Thomas ... or .. the investigative job would already be gone.

Very enjoyable read.
03/16/08
I like a story with a BIG ending. The subtle title drew me in to believe one thing and then you "Whammed" me. Nice job. God bless.
I, for one, didn't see the end coming. It was a nice surprise. Very good writing, Chrissy.
03/16/08
Great job, Chrissy. I love a good twist!
This is a delightful story! I loved every word and had a major "awww" moment at then end. Your end did surprise me, party because I didn't realize he was a PI until after the call. I wasn't sure what the call was about, but it didn't bother me at all. I just enjoyed the ride. Very realistic characters. Bravo.
Entertaining and touching, there is much here to expand.
So glad for the MC, that he gets to help Thomas twice.
First off, I really liked Dave's heart. To me it carried the entire story and made me want to know more about him and the way he ran his life/business. Secondly, I found your story full of good messages all the way from giving even when you don't feel inclined to, to receiving a reward for simply doing the right thing. And finally, the chillike trust of Thomas and his reward for doing so.
Excellent job Chrissy! My heart really went out to Thomas.

I had a feeling that the phone call had something to do with Thomas, but I wasn't entirely sure until the very end. Nice twist.

A very enjoyable read. One of my favorites so far this week.
I enjoyed the entire piece but especially enjoyed the way you wrapped it up in the end!
I really enjoyed reading this story. I especially liked the way you were able to explain the stuttering. Very good descriptions and excellent ending, makes us think twice, right!
03/18/08
Thank you for a lovely read that turned into mysterious chills at the end. Such a satisfying twist and great job.
Such BIG talent from such a quiet, humble voice. Very good. I like your style.
Oh Chrissy! This is the best of your writing, for me, at least. You did a superb job and I agree ... I want to hear more of the P.I. and his jobs and life. Book?
03/19/08
Oooh, I like this guy. A PI with heart and class! I really liked the twist at the end how that Tom was actually the Thomas that was Lord Bellamy's missing brother. Wow. That was really good! I liked the whole story, especially the part with the donuts! ^_^