The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/07/08
Wow.. very interesting.. gave me chills!
03/07/08
Powerful testimony.
03/12/08
This is a very touching story with a lot of potential and emotion in it. There are some problems with the flow in sentence structure and word choice. You use "though" a couple times in ways that don't work well or need punctuation. The big sentence early on about "passed away" can be improved by putting these words in the middle of the sentence. Small items like this end up taking away from the literary impact. I did like the story, mood, emotion, and characters but think the potential could be harnessed better.