The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/29/08
I could certainly feel the emotion in this piece, and the blood vessels in my neck flared out a bit as I read it. Poor little Punkin.
I like this sentence.
Rachel’s piercing gaze could have melted a glacier.
That really painted a picture for me.
03/03/08
Excellent use of topic. Characterizations were done very well, albeit a sad commentary for both characters. The husband as a total goof and the wife..who washes a baby with diahhrea in the kitchen sink? Anyway, keep writing.
03/03/08
Yes! Changing poopy diapers IS an expression of love...believe me, I know!
Great illustration of the topic, and well done;)
How very sad for everyone in this story. Unfortunately this neglect of caring for a child and loving a spouse is real.
03/05/08
Very good! May be one of the best of yours, Angela! By the way, I left a comment on another entry after you hinted--but it was a different "two S" title. Oops!

Anyway, this is a great job of showing, and of bringing in lots of sensory data (ick...)
I was angry too and shking my head. Glad to know that I'm not alone in the "showing" department, you can only hear it so much without seeing the back up. You fired me up!
Great job.
You're right on here. Love is demonstrated not just said. And you're right, too, about the husband being a stinker. You showed the topic excellently.
My dad is getting better at this, but he used to frustrate my mom in this way. I would hope that if I become a husband someday, that I would not make the same mistakes that the guy in this story made. This was an entertaining read with a good message. Thanks for sharing.
03/05/08
Angela your writing has always been good but you just keep getting better and better. This is a favorite. That last line was amazing. The writing was fresh and real, I loved it.
Talk about a "test" just after geeting back from a church meeting! Masterful writing, intense and truthful without pulling punches. Of course not all men are like this, but the way you made this situation so black and white and so level-headedly real only makes the message ring that much louder. Great job!
This is one of those "I'd like to rub his nose in the diaper" situations. Great descriptions and dialogue. Another great story told. Well done.
Excellent writing. I wish I had more time to comment- it's simply great-well done!
03/06/08
Wow. You title sure fits this piece and boy, I really wanted to do something about his 'careless' attitude. Love isn't just saying the words and that's that. Good greif! You did well, with putting a lot emotion and some into this.