The Official Writing Challenge
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02/28/08
Ouch! Your last sentence stung. Yes, our kids do catch the message from the way we walk the talk. Great message.
02/28/08
Very convicted. Little eyes are watching. I liked the message of this. Good writing!
03/05/08
"Mixed messages" cover the topic very nicely. You created a strong characterization for your MC that makes a good example for mothers NOT to follow.
03/05/08
Excellent example of the topic, and I love your title.

Some of your dialogue-heavy paragraphs are clumped together, and they need to be spaced out--a space each time the speaker or the action changes.

Poor little Jillie! This is a good story.
03/05/08
You nailed the topic, loved it. I loved the name Julianne, that is my name but it's Juliann, and since no one says it right, I go by Julie!
03/05/08
This was good. Easy read. The only thing I noticed is you used the word "towards" and it is "toward". This was right on topic and sadly I have done this myself and so was very convicting.
03/05/08
Very well written story. I could hear the frustration and impatience in the mother's voice. Super job on the topic.
03/05/08
We definitely have to be careful about sending mixed messages to people. It's all too easy to do sometimes. I enjoyed your story. Thank you for sharing.
03/05/08
Good on topic.
03/06/08
Ouch. I felt bad for Jillie. Cute name though. I was waiting for the punch and it hit hard with your last lines. Great job!

RED INK: The sentence with the whipped puppy-it kind of read awkwardly, maybe the way it was phrased? Hope I'm not too nitpicky! ^_^