The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/28/08
Ouch! Your last sentence stung. Yes, our kids do catch the message from the way we walk the talk. Great message.
Very convicted. Little eyes are watching. I liked the message of this. Good writing!
"Mixed messages" cover the topic very nicely. You created a strong characterization for your MC that makes a good example for mothers NOT to follow.
03/05/08
Excellent example of the topic, and I love your title.

Some of your dialogue-heavy paragraphs are clumped together, and they need to be spaced out--a space each time the speaker or the action changes.

Poor little Jillie! This is a good story.
03/05/08
You nailed the topic, loved it. I loved the name Julianne, that is my name but it's Juliann, and since no one says it right, I go by Julie!
This was good. Easy read. The only thing I noticed is you used the word "towards" and it is "toward". This was right on topic and sadly I have done this myself and so was very convicting.
Very well written story. I could hear the frustration and impatience in the mother's voice. Super job on the topic.
We definitely have to be careful about sending mixed messages to people. It's all too easy to do sometimes. I enjoyed your story. Thank you for sharing.
Good on topic.
03/06/08
Ouch. I felt bad for Jillie. Cute name though. I was waiting for the punch and it hit hard with your last lines. Great job!

RED INK: The sentence with the whipped puppy-it kind of read awkwardly, maybe the way it was phrased? Hope I'm not too nitpicky! ^_^