The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/28/08
I'm hearing a deep, bass voice with a cowboy beat and maybe even some backup singers in between stanzas. I love it when people tell stories through poetry, and I enjoyed this very much. :)
03/02/08
Adorable ballad!

Keep close tabs on your meter; it started to run away at times. And you've got some really great rhymes here, so do your best to avoid over-used rhymes like "above" and "love." You can do it--you're a very good poet.
03/03/08
Good job, reads like song lyrics to me.