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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: birthday (05/23/05)

TITLE: Standing Room Only
By L.M. Lee
05/29/05


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“Move over, I can’t see!”

“Quit pushing!”

“I’m not pushing.”

“Yes you are! You’re shoving me off the edge.”

“No I’m not!”

“Now move I want to see.”

“But if I move I won’t be able to see either!”

“Well let me look for one second and then I’ll let you look.”

“Okay, but just one second!”

“Thanks”

“Hey, you said one second…it’s been three!”

“So who’s counting?”

“I am!”

“Oh, all right, but hurry up and look, I want to look again.”

“But you already looked once.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t see very much.”

“Didn’t see much; you practically glared for five whole seconds!”

“Yeah, but five seconds is just too quick. You need at least a minute.”

“Sixty seconds! Are you kidding…that’s like an eternity.”

“An eternity! Give me a break!”

“Well, you know what I mean.”

“Sure I do, you want to see the whole thing and not give anyone else a peak.”

“What are you two arguing about?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Well, not exactly, nothing…”

“Okay, fess up…what has you two in such a stir?”

“I wanted to see the birthday.”

“Yeah, and I wanna see it too.”

“Well why can you both look together?”

“Have you seen the crowd gathered over there?”

“Hum, you have a point. It is a little crowded over there.”

“Now you see what we’re talking about.”

“I see your problem, but it’s still no reason to cause such a stir…especially today.”

“You’re right, but I just wanna see like everyone else.”

“Me, too. But how can I watch? Everyone within a billion miles is here!”

“What did you expect? You two should have gotten here earlier.”

“We were here at the crack of dawn!”

“Yeah, as soon as we heard!”

“It’s not fair!”

“It’s not our fault we’re short!”

“Okay, okay, you two, settle down. Tell ya what, if you two will be quiet until it’s time to sing, I’ll sneak you in on the front row so you don’t miss a thing.”

“Promise?”

“Promise!”

“Oh Gabriel, this is too cool!”

“Everybody ready?”

“Yes sir!”

“Okay, in the key of F…”
. . . . . . .

“Glory to God in the Highest and peace on earth to men of goodwill!”


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This article has been read 1195 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Malley05/30/05
So very clever! Awesome job!
Amy Michelle Wiley 05/30/05
Cute story! :-D
Suzanne R05/31/05
Cute!
Lynda Lee Schab 06/01/05
Too fun! Great, realistic dialogue (although I don't know if angels REALLY talk that way but it's realistic to me! LOL)
Clever entry, from the title to the last sentence.
Blessings, Lynda
dub W06/02/05
Love the creative style and dialog, great job.
Lois Jennison Tribble06/06/05
Fun entry, Lissa -- very creative take on topic. It really holds interest and prompts the reader to demand, "Move over, I want to see, too!" Congratulations on your win!
Deborah Porter 06/06/05
Shivers time Lissa. Although you wrote this in your usual, delightful style, it still managed to give me tingles as I reached that last line. I loved it - and so did the judges. Wonderful to see you up there in the Winner's Circle again. This will be a wonderful addition to the next Anthology. Love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
Michelle Burkhardt06/11/05
I was trying to figure out who and what they were trying to see? Nice job to keep your reader. Congrats on the win.