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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Don't Cut off Your Nose to Spite Your Face" (without using the actual phrase or litera (02/14/08)

TITLE: No Foam Latte
By Jesse Blair
02/15/08


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I’m making drinks for everybody, it’s my job, make really good (and good looking) coffee drinks. Problem is, I can’t make any drinks for myself, and I’m groggy. I barely slept at all, but the boss says I can’t have any for free.
“Jimmy, we’re a little slow these days. You know how it is.” But I can barely move. I’m fading in and out. It’s Saturday morning. I was karaoken’ last night. My throat’s sore, I can’t think. Boss says I can’t have a cuppa coffee. What’s the matter? I make eight bucks an hour, don’t even getta drink the coffee.
“I can’t pay three or four bucks for a cuppa coffee.”
“Tell you what, Jimmy. You can pound the rejects.” I can pound the rejects. Good news! I get the drinks nobody wants. You know the screwed up ones and the ones that got dropped on the floor. I ain’t drinking those. Now way!
I think about it a second, get to thinking: “what if I make lattes, and scoop the foam off ‘em, then they won’t want ‘em.” Good idea. People only drink lattes so they can sip on the foam, plus foam makes coffee look a lot better anyways. So, that’s what I do. I scoop the foam off all the lattes.
“Here your latte! Have a nice day!” They look at it. “Hey, whattsa matter? You got your latte, now beat it.”
“Where’s the foam?”
“Oh, you don’t want it anymore?”
“I won’t foam. Give me foam!” So I pound the latte right in front of them.
“MMM! Good! No foam latte! I like it! Only jerks want foam on their lattes”. Then I make ‘em a foamy latte and they walk out the door. “Have a nice day.” It’s that easy. My boss comes in.
“Whattsa matter with you! You put foam on the customers latte or your outta here!”
“I’m trying somethin’ new!”
“You’re trying to get free coffee! Make ‘em right or hit the road!”
“Okay boss. Keep your trousers on.” I’m all jazzed up anyways, I’ve had a few. Vinnie walks up.
“Jimmy, whattsa matter? Why you giving people ugly joe?”
“I need a boost. No problem.” He swaps me across the face.
“Don’t be givin’ the people ugly joe, Jimmy. Where’s your pride, huh?”
“I got pride. Just need a pick me up, that’s all.”
“You need a throw down! You gotta take pride in what you do, or your nuthin!’ Those people you gave ugly joe to. They think you’re nuthin.’ Your job is to make good joe. Do your job.” So I put the foam back.


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This article has been read 415 times
Member Comments
Member Date
LauraLee Shaw02/21/08
I'm afraid I would've been begging for coffee, too, or at least sipping some off the top when no one was looking. I'd skip the foam and go straight for the java juice, though. :)
Beth LaBuff 02/21/08
Your title is pretty good and really fits your entry. I was drinking my coffee as I read this and was kind of feeling sorry for you (and would have shared if I could). :) I like your name for coffee "joe".
Debbie Wistrom02/22/08
Fun story here, like the term ugly joe, I will remember that. Dialog while foreign to me sounded real. Thanks for the smiles.
Jan Ackerson 02/23/08
I loved this--it definitely read as authentic, and this guy's voice is very appealing.

A few typos to clean up, and a space between paragraphs, please, for our eyes' sake.

I'd read more with this narrator...this one was great fun.