The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/21/08
I love the two contrasts presented here. The one you learned the hard way, and the one you failed before. If you could find a good 'proofing buddy' to polish out the rough spots, punctuation & capitalization, it would make this great piece even better. Well done on demonstrating the topic! :)
02/23/08
Your message really shone through here, and your main character really exemplifies grace.

A few rough edges: you used "fourth" for "forth", and "it's" for "its." And although you started out in 1st person ("I"), you switched to 3rd person ("Brian").

I love the tender, open relationship depicted between your main character and God.