The Official Writing Challenge
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I felt pulled along with Raven and was apprehensive concerning her anticipated late arrival. I had to smile at Brian's last name "Keepsake"...I'm thinking there could be a chapter 2 to this story. :) Your entry is well thought out.
Oh, what foreshadowing with that name -- you have set us up for chapter two. Good job!
I'm not sure if I missed a few things or they were not there. It seems as though she was not late after all, because she arrived at 8:35, and that didn't seem to be a problem. And where did she know this Keepsake guy from? Her office? Just wondering. With a little work this be could top-notch because I empathized with character from the beginning, keep writing.