The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Much wisdom in this piece.

I found it took you a bit to get to "your point." I'd probably try to tighten this up a bit, and focus it a little more.

I could definitely feel with and for your MC. Nicely done.
Well written - It sounds like this is a true experience.
This would make a wonderful devotional. Let the reader feel liek it could happen to the, add a scripture verse and wallah!