The Official Writing Challenge
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02/14/08
I like how you used dialogue to explain your story. I'd love to know what happened next - If they were able to come to some sort of reconciliation. I guess the fact that she's going to meet with him and see the farm for the last time, conveys the fact that she has moved on, and isn't 'crying over spilt milk'.
02/14/08
Your descriptions are vivid and clear. I could picture what was happening.
02/15/08
Very nice descriptions - you put me right there. I hope you expand this - I would love to hear how it all works out.
Your talent for description and dialogue are supersized. I loved this glimpse into a little girl's visit. True or no, you made us believe it to be.
02/17/08
This is a very good story, full of great descriptions!
Laury
Excellent descriptions and authentic dialogue. Your stories make for delightful reading.
02/18/08
Good storytelling, not sure why towards the end some words were put in italics, unless the mother really didn't mean it. Good job.
Ahh,another masterpiece by Dee. Iloved the way you showed the history by your dialogue.
Loved the description of the train too..."where the great sleek train crouched, ready to receive us into its belly." Your vivid pictures of the family at the station was just so good... "I watoosied across the marble floor of the station,"
So colourful!
02/19/08
I love this so much. Your descriptions were so vivid that I could picture being there. The words you chose to emphasize in italics brought the dialogue to life. It reminds me of my grandparent's farm I used to visit every weekend when I was little. My kids were so enamored when I took them by there for a visit a few years ago. You struck good sentiments in me. Thank you for sharing this piece. :)
02/19/08
This put me right there on the train with the girls. I could hear Mama whisper, and see her trying to convince herself...super job. I love that word: watoosie. Cool. Hugs!
02/19/08
To someone like me, who has moved about all their life, a family farm is something yearned for. It always makes me sad when the family farm has been sold to strangers.
good writing
02/19/08
Your last three or four paragraphs have such a poignancy to them--the whole piece is excellent, but that last bit really sold it to me. What a mastery of "showing"!
02/19/08
Beautiful writing Dee! I totally understand the emotional ties to a farm.
02/19/08
Wonderful descriptions. The ending touched me—I walk by our old house when I get a chance to go home. How I wish I had the nerve to knock on the door and ask for a tour. Well done.
02/20/08
You captured this whole rushing off to an exciting adventure theme! I liked seeing the hotdog vendors through your eyes. You made this era come alive. The ending had a melancholy feel to it. Very nicely done. ^_^
You create such believable characters. And I like the way this story unfolds taking the reader along to an ending that sums up the topic perfectly. Nice job!
02/20/08
I agree with all of the other commenters--you mastered this one. I was right there with that little girl and could see and feel everything she went through.
Wonderful journey here and so many uncertainites. Could be part of a novel, many character to flesh out and places for them to go and people for them to meet. Keep up the good words.
02/21/08
Dee, Congrats on your highly commended and making the EC list! Great story.. as always you blew me away again with your skill to set a scene and make the characters and action come alive.. in such a short time.. kudos to you.. Dianne J.
02/21/08
Congrats on your EC!!!! So glad the whole world and all has a chance to see this marvelous piece!!!! :)
02/21/08
Dee -- Congrats on your level placing and EC with this!! ....movin' on up! :)
02/21/08
Dee, Congratulations on your EC, and welcome to Masters. I loved when she watoosied across the floor -- made me laugh out loud. Great job.
Dee, I knew I would see you in Masters - truly where you and your writing belongs. COngratulations over and over again!
02/21/08
***Congrats, Dee!***
Dee, this was so well written that I would have been upset if you hadn't been a winner! Whether fiction or not, this dialog could have taken place within my family. You stirred up some deeply-rooted memories in me, some poignant and beautiful, and of course, the despair when it's all changed. Some things are so irrevocable. Beautiful piece of work, Dee.
02/21/08
Your slice of life story is just delicious, with the right amount of sweet, salt, sour and bitter ingredients. Just like life, too, when loss pulls the plug and we cannot get back what is gone. Beautiful writing, friend! Congratulations.
Woo-hoo! It's up to master's for you! Congratulations.