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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "A Man is Known by the Company He Keeps" (without using the actual phrase). (01/31/08)

TITLE: Long Story Short
By Leigh MacKelvey


Hereís how it happened. I used to go after old men, you know, really old men who have lots of cash flow. Iíd look for the sickly type Ďcause they probably wonít live that long and then Iíd get their money. I know, youíre about to freak and Iím kinda embarrassed to tell you this, but I have to so you'll get the whole picture, anyway, Iím not that type of woman anymore since I found Jesus. See, I drive into one of those drive-through churches thinking itís a fast food place, salivating for crispy chicken and a Dr. Pepper. Iím deciding whether to ďtriple-sizeĒ my order when I realize thereís a preacher at the window serving up the salvation message and I guess he ďtriple sizesĒ it for me, cause I give my life to Jesus. First thing I do is give up the old men, so I take the preacher with me to see the ďold man of the momentĒ and tell him to go, be free, and find someone who loves him, cause I donít, and that Iím washed clean of my sins. To my surprise, he says he knows I'm after his money and never planned to give it to me anyway. He says itís nice Iím saved and he knew I was a gold digger Ďcause he seen me with a bunch of women in a diner who are known as ďthat type.Ē I make a metal note to cancel my membership in the Gold-Diggers Club and quit their monthly meetings.

Iím thinking it went well, but as I walk down the street with the preacher, a Mustang screeches to a stop and backs up. Itís my non-church friends I hang with. They see me beside the preacher who is carrying a big black Bible the size of a pizza box and you know what they do? Laugh. They cackle and stick their middle fingers at me and wheel away so fast my new flowered church dress blows and twists around my body. I plan to lessen my friendship with them anyway, seeing how theyíre not a good influence, but a couple of them owe me money and I can witness to them when I collect. Thing is, not one of them will take my phone calls now that I hang with holy-rollers. It hurts my feelings ícause Iím still the same me, only sanitized, and I want them to understand about Jesus, but they figure since none of the drive-through church people will have anything to do with them, Iím the same way.

I need to get a job, since I canít depend on ďold men moneyĒ, so I search the paper and find one in a restaurant. The boss tells me to come down, but first I have to go the Gold-Digger Club to tell them Iím resigning Ďcause Iím trying to break my addiction to cheating old men. Well, Iím floored at their reaction Ďcause they cheer and say they want to break from it too. We decide to change the name of the club to Gold-Digging Recovery. We cry and tell how we reached our bottom and agree to get help through any set-backs. Back to the interview. I get to the restaurant and the boss, whoís old as Moses, is sitting at the bar. We start the interview and it looks like Iím hired, only my Recovery friends are peering in the window. They see me at a bar with an old man so they swarm the restaurant and take me to a rehab. I lose the job and it takes days to convince my friends that I havenít relapsed.

Iím broke and decide to witness to my old friends and collect my money. I see the Mustang parked outside the pool hall, so I go in and once they realize Iím the same old me, I begin to tell them about Jesus and several of them want to know more, so I take them outside, but the preacher is on the other side of the street. He sees who Iím with and thumps his Bible and tells me that Iím excommunicated because Iím back into sin.

I find another church where the preacher is more compassionate. Some of the Gold-Diggers join. Thereís lots of old men in church, but I havenít the slightest urge to go after their money. Well, thatís how it happened and people are gonna think what they think, I think.

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This article has been read 933 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 02/08/08
Funny, funny, funny--and not only on topic, but on topic about 5 or 6 times! I love this gal's voice, and I'd love to hang out with her. This made my day.
Patty Wysong02/10/08
I snickered through this and I loved every minute of it. The voice is fabulous and fits the piece perfectly, no, it makes the piece. You nailed this on the head--many times. Loved it!!
Holly Westefeld02/10/08
Whoa! I'm dizzy. That was fun!
Lyn Churchyard02/11/08
LOL I just loved listening to your MC. I could hear her speaking all the way through.
You have great skill with the hammer... you hit the nail over and over.
Sharlyn Guthrie02/11/08
Your MC's voice made me laugh. Lots of twists and turns here. It's more fun than a roller coaster!
Loren T. Lowery02/11/08
This is just too amusing and funny. At times I thought I was reading of someone's dream. Nonetheless, the moral was entertaining and well delivered and I enjoyed a glimpse into the minds of these affable ladies.
Shelley Ledfors 02/11/08
I enjoyed this. Wonderful voice. Very creative take on the topic. Well done.
william price02/11/08
I really, really, really enjoyed reading this. The MC stole he show for me. I love great character developement, and you created one of the more memoriable I have read here. Outstanding job. You write so good, the entire entry could look like one large paragraph and I would still read it, because you make me want to with your lively style. Did I say I liked this?
God bless.
Sheri Gordon02/12/08
This is hilarious. I love the voice -- I have a complete mental picture of this woman. Great example(s) of the topic.
Karen Wilber02/12/08
I'm out of breath. What a great MC you've created. I loved all the back and forth encounters with one group or another and the frenetic pace. Now I need to go lie down.
Sara Harricharan 02/13/08
LOL! This is just too funny. I was with her, the voice and everything. It was as if I was tagging along with her shadow through all of these escapades. I love how she had to zig-zag back and forth and finally found a good church with a compassionate pastor and even changed around the Gold Diggers club. ^_^ A very fun read! ^_^
Maxx .02/13/08
Bueno! Your funny is funnier than my funny! Very well done! I knew it from the first line...
Peter Stone02/14/08
This is an amazing take on the topic - and you hit the nail on the head time and again as characters kept judging each other - often leaping to the wrong conclusions. Also very, very funny.
LauraLee Shaw02/14/08
Long story short: I love, love, love, love, love this entry. It made me laugh, it was EXTREMELY creative, and it nailed the topic on every possible level. This one is a keeper FOR SURE!
william price02/14/08
Bravo on writing a story that is one of my favorite entries I've read in a long time. A+ in characterization. This was one of my Favorites this week, for what that's worth. God Bless.
Kristen Hester02/15/08
I'm still snickering as I sit her and try to compose myself enought to write a comment. This is hilarious. I LOVE how she keeps getting judged by the company she's keeping, even though she's trying to do right. Bravo. A+++. Blessings!