This script might not be complicated in the aspect of dialogue, but the tricky part will be maintaining the illusion of ignoring Jackie outside of what a person might do at a funeral. Jackie’s coffin needs to either be a clear plastic box or her laying on a series of chairs but she cannot allow herself any more room to move than what’s in a typical coffin.
Person 1: This is crazy, Jackie shouldn’t be in that coffin...she was such a good girl. She even prayed for me this past week at church.
Person 2: Yeah, Jackie was amazing. She sang and worked with the children’s church, I really don’t know how she was able to do everything that she did. sighs I wonder what she was thinking last night? I didn’t know she drank or did anything bad like that.
Jackie: groans and tries to ‘get out of the coffin’ but finds herself stuck. Man...that was one messed up nightmare I had. A pair of headlights coming my way, and then...OHHHHH...I’m in so much trouble! I overslept!
Person 4: I hate funerals...and now that Jackie’s gone who’s gonna be there for me...whispersI can’t believe she got that buzzed last night...
Person 3: I can. Dude, that girl could hold her drink, and then brag about her folks never finding out. That girl was all about the parties. There was this one time...
Jackie: Okay, I can do this. All I gotta do is throw off the blankets... pushes against the top of the coffin I just hafta make up a good excuse for why I’m late. Why didn’t my alarm wake me up? Flops back down with a groan. Although, my head is killing me so maybe my alarm clock not working is a small blessing in disguise.
Person 2: Did you see Jackie last week? She was so cute in the nursery with the babies.
Person 1: No, I didn’t...I was actually out sick Sunday...
Person 2: But I thought you said.
Person 1: She prayed for me Wednesday night...
Jackie: It wasn’t supposed to be cloudy, and its even too dark. Mom? Dad? Where are you? Why am I not in bed? Why is it suddenly warm in here?
Person 3: and then she would start to howl out prayers! Everyone thought it was hilarious! Person 4 starts to laugh hard.
Person 2: Can you guys please show a little bit of respect? We’re at a funeral.
Person 4: Yeah, for the craziest girl we ever knew. She wouldn’t have wanted this nice quiet goodie-goodie funeral.
Person 1: Jackie was a great kid!
Person 3: snorts Yeah right, I dunno how she pulled the wool over your eyes, but she had all of y’all eating outta her hands like babies.
Person 1 and 2 stand there stunned for a beat before protesting.
Person 4: We were there for her the night that Kenneth dumped her. Person 1 and Person 2 continue to look confused at the mention of Kenneth. See, you guys didn’t even realize that she had been dating someone, let alone fell in love with him. He broke her heart and we had her back while you guys dropped the ball.
Before the argument can spin out of control the pallbearers pick up the coffin and start to carry it out.
Jackie: Wait! Why am I moving!? Starts to bang on the ‘top’ and struggles to get out of the coffin. That wasn’t a nightmare? I hit a tree? I can’t be dead! I was supposed to... No! Wait! Don’t you hear me? Jackie continues to protest loudly until the coffin is completely out of the room.
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