The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/31/08
This is a great piece!!! Right on topic and fun to read. This is my favorite line:
Her warbling voice gave evidence of threatening tears. What a description!

You know what else I noticed? YOu managed to nail last week's topic AND this topic both at the same time. STRIKE!
02/01/08
Clever and fun - I love the bowling team's name, and the last sentence especially. Nice characterization of the MC especially.
Nice story and it read so smooth! Little touches such as the contrast in the line
"finally, but too soon" added to the realness and were cleverly written.
I would like to go bowling with these gals. I'd drop the ball on my foot, too. This is an entertaining read. Well written, too.
02/04/08
You really captured the women's voices well. I like all the chatty dialogue and could feel Becky's discomfort when she first joined in.
02/04/08
Highly entertaining chick-lit!

I don't see the topic--was it the bowling ball?

Nevertheless, I was drawn to this lovely group of women, and especially to Becky, as I understand the feeling of friendlessness.
02/04/08
I really liked the story. Something tells me you know a thing or two about the sport. I was sympathetic with your MC and liked her as well as her supporting cast. For red ink, I did find the dialogue a little awkward and not as smooth as the rest of the story. A great story however that touched my heart. Great title too. God bless.
Fun story! I enjoyed the chatty dialogue and the attempt of the other women to make the newcomer feel welcome.
02/04/08
If this is chic-lit you certainly brought it to life! I almost felt part of the scene!

And I'm guessing it wasn't the expensive ball that held the promise of a good performance.

I really enjoyed the dialog and progression of this entry and I don't even LIKE chick-lit! ;-)
Excellent dialogue between the team-mates...smooth flow making the characters realistic.
02/04/08
"Becky trailed Monica to the growing gaggle of women..." This was my favorite line. Great story.

I though chic-lit was a gum. j/k
Cute story. I was glad to see Becky accepted by the new friends. THe story had a nice progression and pacing. Good job!
I love bowling and at 7 my daddy took me and taught me. I was never good like Laura, but enjoyed the game and still do. I loved this delightful story of these women reaching out and making her feel welcomed and accepted.
02/05/08
This is just plain down-home fun! I love this phrase, "growing gaggle of women".
You mean a nice looking bowling ball doesn't make you a good player? Now I know what's wrong with my game : )
I love the way God teaches us lessons at our level...coming to where we are in words and circumstances we understand. I like too, the way your story unfolded to show that those things we don't expect to have much value (ie friendship) end up being the most important afterall.
02/07/08
The thought that a better piece of kit improves one's game must sell half the stock in a sports shop. If only I could get a better keyboard.