The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/25/08
Good example, with the contrasts of the two brothers and their wise and patient dad.

Most of your lines have 8 syllables, so that when occasionally you have a 9- or 10- syllable line, it causes a bit of a "trip" in the rhythm.

I enjoyed this story poem!

01/25/08
I love to read good rhyming poetry. This has a great title and a really wonderful premise. I agree with Jan, though. The extra occational syllables didn't help the flow.

It is still a good piece of writing.
01/26/08
Very well written. A few of the lines were awkward, but other than that you did a great job!