The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 970 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
A gripping tale.
01/27/08
Exciting, dramatic story. I was a bit distracted by the name "Everest" as I kept expecting something to do with mountains or climbing to come into the story. But I liked this heroic tale.
01/27/08
Sir, you have written a fabulous, exciting, suspense-filled, and heart wrenching story of the kingdom benefits of a faith proclaimed.
01/27/08
Brilliant writing.
Red ink: I didn't comment on it because when the king asked him at the end to tell him about God he just said he was a Christian, which was kinda obvious already, so the end spoilt it :)
The writing is excellent. Great message as well. Like the sense of history in this piece. Well done.
01/27/08
As usual, your descriptions and characterizations are wonderful! My red ink would be the same as Sally's: I was bummed about his answer to the king, but then I thought that he wouldn't have time to tell the king anything anyway because it was obvious they both were doomed to die in seconds! Never-the-less, this is an exciting story to read.
Shame on you, sir, for speaking ill of this entry. The writing was top notch. The message was chilling. I enjoyed this completely. You are a master. God bless.
01/28/08
I'm not a "master" writer, but I thought this piece was incredible. I felt like I was watching a scene out of a movie, and your ending gave me goosebumps.
01/28/08
Very powerful stuff--the pacing of the last third is simply spectacular.

My only problem was with establishing a time frame--the name "Everest" threw me off, and I'm still not exactly clear where and when this story is taking place.

Excellent use of repetition, excellent characterization of both of your main characters.
01/28/08
Very compelling story - I loved the part where he says he sees no sign of God, but knows He's there. May we all be blessed with such faith...
01/28/08
Wonderful story. I agree about the ending, but I enjoyed it very much.
Fie on you Sir William! 'Tis an excellent tale!

The only red ink I would venture to add is the same as the others; the final thing the MC said at the end could have been different.
Excellent, captivating, and so proud of Everest (but I agree with the others, I didn't care for his name). I would have preferred the last line to be a simple, "Gladly."

I have to make sure Ken reads this. Way to inspire!
01/30/08
You had me thinking that this was awful-when it really isn't that bad at all! I wouldn't mind reading more about Sir Everest and what led him to tell the King and whether the King will simply die there and that's the end of that, or what! This was good! ^_^
01/30/08
What is your definition of "Stinker"? It definately doesn't match mine.
As usual, you draw the reader in and keep us on the edge of our seat. I agree that this could be expanded, it feels like a middle chapter of a book.