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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “Don’t Try to Walk before You Can Crawl” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/17/08)

TITLE: Sir Everest
By william price


Fireballs flew furiously from a nearby hilltop. Sir Everest laid on his back behind a felled, rotting tree watching explosions land all around him. Stripped of his armor and weapons, the exiled former commander of the Kingdom’s military, hoped for a miracle.

God, I realize I haven’t known you long, but…

A fireball exploded within feet of Everest. Flames reached out and bit his leg. He instinctively rolled to smother the fire. He was now exposed. He could hear the catapult captains call out his position. Everest rose to run but an exploding fireball knocked him to the ground. Finding himself hidden under a temporary blanket of smoke, Everest began to crawl. He remembered seeing a large rock about fifty feet away.

The attacked ceased as Everest reached the rock. There was an eerie silence.

Maybe they think I’m dead?

Familiar swooshing noises interrupted the brief respite. Hundreds of burning arrows began slicing through the swirling smoke. A circle of fire soon had Everest trapped behind the rock.

I trained them well. God, so this is what you meant for me?

The thunder of approaching horses approached Everest’s position.

Through the fire of the burning arrows he saw the king sitting atop his white stallion.

“My dearest, Sir Everest, the greatest commander the Kingdom has ever had. I come to give you one last chance.”

“And?” Everest’s burnt lips pained as he spoke.

The king alighted from his horse and unsheathed his sword, slashing a path through the ring of flaming arrows around Everest. He pointed his weapon at Everest’s heart.

“I cannot have a Christian as commander of my army. I knew you were spending too much time with our slaves, but I never expected you to pick up their religion. Look all around. Here is proof. Where is your God? You’re at my mercy. Now, do you still claim this foreign God as your King?”

Everest tried to stand, but his scalded leg was throbbing. The king’s sword was piercing the skin of his chest. Everest tried to remember what the slaves had taught him, but all he could remember was their counsel not to go straight to the King about his conversion before he knew God better.

Everest’s words were spoken painfully.

“King, I meant no disrespect in telling you about the only true and living God. I was even advised not to, but I knew your rule about the God of the Christians, so I told you. And, what you say seems to be true. I see no signs of my God, but I feel in my heart He is with me, even with the point of your sword pressed against it. My God is the King of all Kings and I plead my loyalty to Him.”

The king pulled his sword back from Everest’s chest and remounted his steed.

“Very well,” the king spoke. “I’m going back to the hilltop and give the troops you trained to kill Christians the order to slay you with the arrows you taught them to make. Today you will die.”

As the king and his guards rode off, Everest’s face dropped into his hands. A quiet voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Tell him again you are a Christian.”

Amidst flying arrows, Everest crawled out from behind the rock. He started whispering, “I am a Christian.”

With each foot he crawled, he proclaimed louder, “I am a Christian.”

Finally, Everest struggled to his feet and stood and yelled, “I am a Christian,” and began walking up the hill.

The first arrow struck him in the shoulder, the second in a thigh, yet he kept walking.

“I am a Christian.”

Arrow after arrow stuck into Everest’s body as he continued his mission up the hill.

He saw the king slap his stallion and charge with his sword drawn.

“I am a Christian.”

Everest, weakened by blood loss, could barely make out the king draw back his sword to strike the fatal blow.

An arrow struck Everest in the heart. He gasped.

“I am a Christian.”

With his last ounce of strength, Everest pulled the arrow from his chest and collapsed to his knees ready to be beheaded. He was surprised though to see the king fall from his steed to the earth. A stray arrow had struck his heart from the back.

Everest crawled over to the King, his blood pouring unto the king‘s outstretched, trembling hands.

The king wheezed, “Tell me about your God.”

Sir Everest smiled.

“I am a Christian.”

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This article has been read 935 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Holly Westefeld01/24/08
A gripping tale.
Karen Wilber01/27/08
Exciting, dramatic story. I was a bit distracted by the name "Everest" as I kept expecting something to do with mountains or climbing to come into the story. But I liked this heroic tale.
Catrina Bradley 01/27/08
Sir, you have written a fabulous, exciting, suspense-filled, and heart wrenching story of the kingdom benefits of a faith proclaimed.
Sally Hanan01/27/08
Brilliant writing.
Red ink: I didn't comment on it because when the king asked him at the end to tell him about God he just said he was a Christian, which was kinda obvious already, so the end spoilt it :)
Betty Castleberry01/27/08
The writing is excellent. Great message as well. Like the sense of history in this piece. Well done.
Dee Yoder 01/27/08
As usual, your descriptions and characterizations are wonderful! My red ink would be the same as Sally's: I was bummed about his answer to the king, but then I thought that he wouldn't have time to tell the king anything anyway because it was obvious they both were doomed to die in seconds! Never-the-less, this is an exciting story to read.
Kristen Hester01/27/08
Shame on you, sir, for speaking ill of this entry. The writing was top notch. The message was chilling. I enjoyed this completely. You are a master. God bless.
LauraLee Shaw01/28/08
I'm not a "master" writer, but I thought this piece was incredible. I felt like I was watching a scene out of a movie, and your ending gave me goosebumps.
Jan Ackerson 01/28/08
Very powerful stuff--the pacing of the last third is simply spectacular.

My only problem was with establishing a time frame--the name "Everest" threw me off, and I'm still not exactly clear where and when this story is taking place.

Excellent use of repetition, excellent characterization of both of your main characters.
Hanne Moon 01/28/08
Very compelling story - I loved the part where he says he sees no sign of God, but knows He's there. May we all be blessed with such faith...
Glynis Becker01/28/08
Wonderful story. I agree about the ending, but I enjoyed it very much.
Lyn Churchyard01/29/08
Fie on you Sir William! 'Tis an excellent tale!

The only red ink I would venture to add is the same as the others; the final thing the MC said at the end could have been different.
Angela M. Baker-Bridge01/30/08
Excellent, captivating, and so proud of Everest (but I agree with the others, I didn't care for his name). I would have preferred the last line to be a simple, "Gladly."

I have to make sure Ken reads this. Way to inspire!
Sara Harricharan 01/30/08
You had me thinking that this was awful-when it really isn't that bad at all! I wouldn't mind reading more about Sir Everest and what led him to tell the King and whether the King will simply die there and that's the end of that, or what! This was good! ^_^
Joanney Uthe01/30/08
What is your definition of "Stinker"? It definately doesn't match mine.
As usual, you draw the reader in and keep us on the edge of our seat. I agree that this could be expanded, it feels like a middle chapter of a book.