The Official Writing Challenge
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01/24/08
My thought for this is that it is so heartbreaking. I was with her, seeing, wishing and hoping that he'd be nice and they could have a happily ever after. The title fits the somber ending quite well. Good job.
01/24/08
Vivid descriptions—this gave me the chills. Wonderful writing.
01/24/08
Yes, very vivid and sad. Tremendous lesson here.
01/25/08
Very detailed and visual! you write well and made each line flow into the next. Good ending too!
Chilling. Excellent writing. This is so engaging and powerful. Bravo.
01/28/08
Both the parts where her own words return to haunt her: the spider and the fly; and the smell of his Armani, are excellent tools to show her change in feelings about this man. Gripping narration and descriptions. Though I was afraid of what was coming to her in her foolish adoration, I felt sorry for the MC because of her naivete.
01/28/08
As a mommy of a daughter, this horrified me. The piece gripped me in a powerful and haunting way, but I pray it gets into the hand of those who could be impacted by it. It is right on from the perspective of many a young girl.
01/28/08
Awesome writing--really drew me in, and the structure and pacing were perfect.

I don't know of any high school freshman that could write with such articulation, which caused a bit of dissonance with me. The sentence "he is so hot" is more like what a freshman would write, but it seemed out of place in this beautifully textured writing.

This is powerful, powerful stuff.
01/28/08
Very well written and realistic.
Powerful, riviting and intense. A lesson that only seems to be learned and understood in the agony of regret. Tereffic writing.
01/30/08
Your "spider to fly" then from "fly to spider" illustration is perfect for this expertly written entry. I wish every young woman could read this. Excellent, excellent writing!
01/30/08
Love this! You captured the desires of a young teenage girl, and the pit-fall of moving too fast with too little experience and wisdom. You made the first person work beautifully. The line "He's so hot!" seems out of place with the rest of her eloquent thoughts, but fits great with her age and belies her true maturity level. Excellent writing! :-)