The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/24/08
I like that Pastor Clarence! He is certainly a favorite character! I liked how he prayed in the end out loud and especially the bit with the "strong will" That was just the right touch of humor! I like the dialouge too, the touches of "yer" and "wee" spin a whole different tone on this piece. ^_^
Excellent example for this week's topic, great advise. I like the last paragraph and especially the last two sentences. I also talk to my "best friend" aloud.
01/29/08
Way to nail the topic! Enjoyed the dialogue and characterization, two of my fav things. And you always deliver your message with with such conviction and truth of heart. Great job!
God bless.
01/30/08
What a great message for all of us as believers!
01/30/08
This story has a lot of heart, and two very endearing characters.

Two small things: I didn't understand why the pastor had an Irish brogue, so that threw me off a bit. And the first two sentences weren't much of a "hook", being a bit too much "Christianese."

I love the pastor's wisdom and compassion.
01/30/08
I loved the dialogue and the characterizations. The "pay back" ending was great.
I enjoyed the story line and the interaction and development of your character but (red-ink) was a bit confused as to the POV the story was coming from. Also, be carely when using ly words (adverbs) such as the "kindly" pastor. His actions in the story should tell the reader he is kindly.
Overall, however, there is a solid message here delivered with a sincere heart and keen observation of character.
01/30/08
Your story is a beautiful and perfect illustration of our topic. You've done a wonderful job of writing this. I especially liked the warmed of the pastor and the enthusiasm of the girl.
01/30/08
...I meant "warmth" of the pastor in the previous comment... sorry
01/30/08
Great illustration of the topic, and a well told story. An important message - the Lord wants us to serve Him, but we need to let Him help us.