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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “Don’t Try to Walk before You Can Crawl” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/17/08)

TITLE: The Last Chocolate Peanut
By Loren T. Lowery


One spring day, Yeti, a hairy, bipedal hominoid was walking through a forest with a wooden club, where he slipped, fell, conked his head and blacked out.

As it happened, there was a conclave of the very smartest men in the world meeting at a lodge across the lake. One of the quest speakers, a renowned philosopher, walking along the same path, stumbled across Yeti quite by accident.

Studying Yeti, the philosopher scratched his head and asked aloud an imponderable question that had plagued mankind for centuries. “I wonder when he fell and no one was around to hear, if he made a sound?”

The philosopher’s voice stirred Yeti to a semi-state of consciousness. And, as he knew very little English and was now suffering from amnesia, he uttered two words. “Uugh, uugh.” Which, in Yetiquatian meant, Man, my head hurts

But, to the startled, revered philosopher, it sounded more like “Huh, huh.” Which, to him and anybody else with half-a-mind, knew such a phrase, simply meant, “Yes.”

Excited by the intellectual insight of Yeti, he ran to tell his esteemed colleagues of the hairy, bipedal’s brilliance, to wit everyone readily concurred.

News of the weighty finding spread quickly throughout the world and soon Yeti was in the world news and on TV talk shows.

Yeti, still in a daze, and true to his nature, always carried his wooden club with him; sometimes swinging it when annoyed. Everyone was enthralled with such bravado and soon concurred not only to Yeti’s brilliant mind, but to his overwhelming sense of jurisprudence as well.

Metaphysical gurus jumped on board, touting the unique way Yeti carried himself. Eventually, they came out with a report stating that: Slumping the shoulders and dragging one’s knuckles on the floor did much to relax the body and connect it to the earth.

Hygienist also met to agree that yellow teeth were much superior to white as it made a far better camouflage at night; with the smell being a distracting bonus. Women were especially taken by the rakish way his hair parted in the middle and his extremely big feet.

Soon, the entire world was walking slant forward as if in a stiff wind, wearing their hair like Martin Sheen, not brushing their teeth and wearing size 23 Michael Jordon tennis shoes to work.

Yeti's fame preceded him, and he was eventually put on a ballot to run as Leader of the World.

About this time, Yowie, Yeti’s wife, began to wonder where he was. And, while hiding behind a tree, she happened to catch a glimpse of him on a camper’s portable, remote TV.

She knew the things they were saying about Yeti could not be true. Because once, after eating an entire bag of chocolate peanuts by herself, she left a single one inside to see if he’d share it with her once finding it. But when she had returned home from gathering grapes, the peanut was gone.

From this she knew Yeti did not have the character to run the world. After all, only someone with no integrity would not share the last chocolate covered peanut with his wife. And surely, integrity and character were important distinctions for such an important job.

Using Man's own model for persuasion, Yowie, lumbered to the lodge and clubbed her way in to see him. And, before the world and TV cameras, she confronted Yeti with the chocolate covered peanut story, to wit, Yeti, still in a daze muttered, “Uugh, uugh.”

This made Yowie feel sorry for him and she came up to comfort him. And, as they nuzzled, Yeti’s memory returned and he openly told everyone the real story.

It seems that Yowie’s mother, Sas, had stopped by that peanut day to ask when they were planning to start a family and he had given her the last chocolate peanut because he knew she’d be upset to learn they were thinking of moving to Tibet.

People were aghast at such a revelation of Yeti’s consideration and kindness and summarily dismissed him as a candidate to lead the world. "Backward evolution", they reasoned aloud.

Two years later Yeti was hunting with his new twins, Kuka and Bara in Australia, showing them best how to hide behind gum trees, and not slip and fall to be conked on the head. But most of all how to live happily and safe in a world not yet ready for leaders true to their natures and willing to share the last chocolate peanut.

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This article has been read 965 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Holly Westefeld01/24/08
I love this witty satire! There is so much wisdom tucked away amongst the humor.
Betty Castleberry01/25/08
This is great! Lots of humor and wit, and some truth, too. I love this line:

"Women were especially taken by the rakish way his hair parted in the middle and his extremely big feet."
Sharlyn Guthrie01/26/08
Where was Yeti during the Iowa caucuses? That's what I want to know. Oh, and what creative mind invented this deep, philosophical tale?
Jan Ackerson 01/28/08
Oh my word, this is priceless!
Sara Harricharan 01/28/08
ROFL! I am literally laughing out loud as I type this here. This was so funny! The light tone and wit kept me reading all the way to the end and I especially like how the title ties in with the story itself-a truly memorable read, this is one of my favorites this week! My favorite part was the last paragraph. ^_^
Sally Hanan01/28/08
Brilliant wit; thanks for the laugh :D
LauraLee Shaw01/28/08
Oh my goodness. What an imagination! This line is too much:
Soon, the entire world was walking slant forward as if in a stiff wind, wearing their hair like Martin Sheen, not brushing their teeth and wearing size 23 Michael Jordon tennis shoes to work.