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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “Don’t Try to Walk before You Can Crawl” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/17/08)

TITLE: The Shower Singin Sinner's Debut
By Dianne Janak
01/20/08


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I wasn’t born with a singing voice. Ok, that’s not entirely true. In the opinion of the world, I have not been gifted. But what do they know? The last laugh is on them, because I happen to be another Celine behind closed doors when no one can hear, except for God and I. He has never complained.

I think He wanted to keep this gift a secret between just He and I for this long, because our special time together had never been warped by the praises of man. Every time I would try to sing in front of anyone, my voice would change into some strange hyena’s call from the wild. It was weird. My hidden talent was apparently not for public consumption.

However, having never had my fifteen minutes of fame, I started to crave just one simple night of people applause, marveling that in my heavenly humility, I had kept this precious secret to myself all these years. I wanted my secret to speak volumes about my own spiritual superiority. If it’s better to give in secret, pray in secret, then perhaps in my case I was having to learn to sing in secret. But just one night and then I could go back in hiding?

That was my dream. That was my downfall. That was the beginning of this story.

One day I started singing a worship song that just came to me out of the blue. Each time I sang it a new verse would come to me, and it sounded so good I almost got all full of myself right there in the middle of American St. and Idol Blvd.

That night was Wednesday night church. At our small family atmosphere church, our pastor often had an open mike at the beginning to hear anyone’s testimony of God’s goodness. I just knew with this knock down gorgeous song with my secret heavenly voice, it was my moment in time.

And to make it even more perfect, my three teenage daughters would all be there sitting with my husband and all our church family to hear my first audition to the ears of humanity.

I practiced all day, and to me it actually got better than Celine. I almost started to feel sorry for her as I dreamed of my name in lights singing gospel right in the middle of Vegas with thousands coming to the Lord and revival breaking out.

That night as I walked towards the mike, with my daughters on the second row, I was riding on cloud nine. I truly believed our church just may see a miracle right before their eyes. Not only that, but the song was profoundly deep, I remember thinking. Something about being on a ledge and starting to fly like an eagle, a really fresh original take on being free in the Lord. The exact lyrics elude me now, and soon you will understand why.

As I started to sing, I remembered how important getting that first note just right was, and for some awful reason, it sounded off. Now remember to ME I had always sounded beautiful. No one else ever thought so, so I had stopped blessing them with my voice years and years ago. I always lip synced in public just to avoid all the bad looks.

But now as I started singing, I was horrified. It was not the real me. Some other fool was singing and making fun of me. My daughters heads were all down, and my husband was red with embarrassment. To be frank, I didn’t blame them. Had it not been church, I probably deserved a thrown egg.

I had to keep singing, because to give up and sit down was not an option. It was the longest 3 minutes of my life. I forgot the words at one point, and when I saw the pity in the pastor’s wife’s face, I really wanted to die right then. I was wishing for an earthquake in Houston.

As I sauntered back to my seat, with the sound of obligatory applause, I remember telling God never ever will I do anything remotely like that ever again.

His words back to my heart were “humble people cannot be humiliated.”

Oh dear.


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This article has been read 661 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Debbie Wistrom01/24/08
Loved the title, it was the first one I read,,,Loved the ending as well and the message. Thanks!
LauraLee Shaw01/24/08
Oh, this is just right! That is an awesome title, and your story kept me cackling with the witty humor. How many people sit and dream up scenarios just like this one---only without actually having the guts to do it. Just perfect.
Hanne Moon 01/24/08
This was great! And the ending...perfect! It made me laugh, but I can relate. I can't hold a note either, but sometimes you just want to bust out in song! Very enjoyable...
Sara Harricharan 01/25/08
This was good. I was with her all the way, really, really hoping, that for some reason, it'd be okay. You did great with the you-are-there-atmosphere, I was right into the whole episode.
Karen Wilber 01/26/08
This is laugh-out-loud funny. I kept thinking it couldn't get worse for the MC and it did. This MC should stick with storytelling. There's the real gift.
Beth LaBuff 01/26/08
Your title is great! You've written a humorous witty piece. :) I love this line, "My hidden talent was apparently not for public consumption." -- I may borrow that phrase sometime. :) And I like your "American St. and Idol Blvd"...that's so perfect for this. I can totally relate to your MC...I don't do solos either. :) Very nicely written!
Marita Vandertogt01/27/08
Very very funny, and very relatable... I love the humour in this piece.
Lynda Schultz 01/28/08
Those last two lines are priceless!
Beckie Stewart01/30/08
I can TOTALLY relate to this. I loved your description and loved this story. You really did this? I cannot imagine how that felt when you realized what was happening. I did one solo and as long as I kept my eyes closed I hit the notes okay. Very humiliating experience. You wrote this well.
Jan Ackerson 01/30/08
Oh so funny, with lots of dry, self-deprecating wit. Love it.

FYI: I two cases where you use "God and I" it should be "God and me". Here's the rule: if you take the other person out of the sentence, would you use "I" or "me"? Thus: God and I would handle this problem, BUT This issue was important to God and me. (Bad examples, but I'm sure you get the idea.)

Great pacing here, with your growing realization. Love it!
Dee Yoder 01/31/08
That last line is a killer to the Christian who thinks he is "humble"! Good job with this topic and the descriptions are hilarious. Poor daughters. And husband!