The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 609 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
01/10/08
Love the title and especially the message. Very effective way of getting it across. I felt the emotion from beginning to end.
01/10/08
This is an entry that touches too close to home being a woman. Thank you for the reminder to take care of ourselves and not ignore potential problems. This was right on topic:) Very good.
Laury
01/11/08
This gave me goosebumps as I read it. I was so glad that Fran acted early and discovered what could have been fatal at a later date. Great message here! ^_^
01/13/08
Superb application of the topic, and something that we all definitely need to take seriously.

I'd have preferred transitional phrases to the rows of asterisks, since the "scene changes" are not that drastic, and I think the piece would have a smoother flow that way. Just personal preference, however...this is very well done.
01/13/08
This story "touched" me. I went through almost the exact same process with a few cysts recently, so I followed it very naturally. Sounds like you either did your research or are speaking personally.

Just to take it from excellent to perfect, I would've loved to hear some emotion in between the quotations...how was your mc feeling as she said or asked things? Scared, brave, a mixture, etc.

I do know word count can be a major issue, especially with such an in-depth scenario, though. This piece will minister to many, I hope.
01/14/08
What a compelling example of the topic. I hope someone reads this and takes the advice written within this story.
01/14/08
Thank you for including the loving husband. There are many ways to show your love through a "touch". This is a fine example of one of those ways.
01/14/08
I love how this story ended. I also really liked the dialogue. Very enjoyable!
This is a good subject for the topic, and a good reminder to all. I like the way you presented this, and it is well-written. If I were to suggest one thing (since you asked for suggestions) it would be to inject more emotion, especially at the end. I would think she would be extremely relieved and grateful.
You did a great job with making your point. The dialog was natural. One suggestion: I felt the ending (last line especially) was a bit abrupt. I'm not sure how you would change it, though. This was a good read with a good message.
01/14/08
Love the title. Perfect story for the topic. Well done!
01/15/08
Your dialogue is very realistic. This is a great subject for this topic and an important message, too: be vigilant and assertive with your health care!I like the simple title; there's many ways to feel that word.
01/15/08
Your title was a perfect match to the story--and what a message. It would've been nice to have more emotion, but you can only include so much in 750 words! Very well done and crystl clear. Hus!