The Official Writing Challenge
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Cute story.
I felt lost with the Kelsey/Christy thing until Kelsey was reintroduced. Until then I thought it was the same person with typo. Also, the ending dropped off a bit compared to the rest of the story.
Excellent description and dialogue. I could see it and feel it as I read.
Forgot to say I loved the title! It grabbed my interest and peaked my curiosity.
01/11/08
What an interesting title! It sure sets the scene for what is sure to be an interesting story. I liked the atmosphere and the interaction between roommates. You hit the topic on the head here, my only note is the last line to where Libby is asking if Kelsey's really allergic to PB, if that's the case...most people with PB allergies can die just by coming into contact with the stuff. ^_^ Just a thought though. Good stuff!
01/11/08
Good job setting the tone of this with the internal dialog! And you nailed the topic--good job!
01/11/08
Enjoyed the believable characters and the believable interaction. Nice job!
01/11/08
Your narrator's voice is spot on. Good job here.
01/13/08
Great dialog and characterization. This is a scene I am all too familiar with (I'm usually the lazy one, unfortunately LOL). Enjoyed this read.
01/13/08
I thought you handled dialogue excellently! Good pace and very natural. The ending through me though - you might want to consider making it a bit stronger. Otherwise, it was done very well!
01/14/08
Oh, yah, I can relate to Libby. "I was going to do it in a minute," I keep telling my husband. :) I was thrown by Kelsey/Christie too, thinking you had changed the name and forgot the first mention. But you tied her back into the story nicely. Good job with the topic.
01/14/08
Very good illustration of the topic. This would be a good skit for college freshmen to see. Your dialogue is very real.
01/16/08
The dialogue is realistic and the characters are spot on for roomies!