The Official Writing Challenge
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01/10/08
This is a good take on the topic. A great illustration of how something as simple as telling our kids 'yes' rather than confronting the issues, can multiply and multiply until our kids seem unreachable. I really like the creativity in this. Good job.
01/10/08
Sometimes it gets to be too late to patch things up. This reminded me of the terrible experience of a friend for whom that was true. Valuable truth and well-written.
01/10/08
This story is so sad, and the tragedy of this family is replicated in countless other families. Great compelling piece.
01/11/08
Great title - powerful piece of writing. Excellent descriptive text. Your ending leaves the reader with a glimmer of hope.
01/11/08
Great descriptions of the angst in the man's heart. Love the hope at the end.

As I read, I felt like you were switching verb tenses, but it was probably just you switching time periods. It threw me a bit - just FYI.

Enjoyed this.
Great topic for the challenge this week. I really liked your story. It was sad, but I love the glimmer of hope in the end.
01/13/08
Great story. One of my favorites so far.
01/16/08
You had one sentence in here that just broke my heart--where sometimes she holds on to the letters for just a bit, catching the scent of perfume. That one sentence captured the poignancy of the whole piece. Well done!
01/16/08
I can't imagine anyone doing this to a child, but I know it happens. Very sad and yet, a bit of hope that maybe dad will be able to mend some fences with his teen. A well-told story.
01/16/08
A sad but very realistic story. It captured me right off. I do love the poignancy of the third paragraph where Raven stops to smell the perfume just for a moment, but you have skipped from your 1st person viewpoint of Paul to Raven. I like the hope you give the reader at the end.
01/16/08
A hefty price indeed to pay for saying yes all those years to keep from digging up the pain between them. This is great, I'm so glad he finally turned around and decided to talk to her then and there. I LOVE the choice of Raven as a name. It puts the whole character in perspective. Great job! ^_^
Touching, and too often, true. This was well written, and a creative take on the topic.
01/16/08
Your entire opening paragraph was masterful. Your sense of place, outstanding. I could put myself outside that door, knocking, the feeling of uncertainty and anger at the same time. You imprinted this topic in my mind in a tangible way.
A gripping story
Hope springs eternal...this piece gave me hope that all is not lost and can be redeemed now. But only, how much easier would it have been had he started sooner. I liked the way you were able to get into the minds of the two characters and both left to wonder why their mother/wife walked out on them.
01/16/08
Near the end of the story you started a paragraph with "Raven" and in the middle switched to "He". That threw me a bit. I did enjoy the development of this story as well as the sign of hope at the end.
01/16/08
Oh, I can relate to the father figure in this one...that moment of indecision...and finally by-the-grace-of-God, breaking through with courage and confidence from Him. Powerful writing....almost like a movie....
01/17/08
So sad! But, ... your ending gives hope! Thanks!