Anticipation is the wrong word for this test. The proctor’s fake smile did little to ease my roiling stomach as she passed around a box of pencils.
I took three.
One to use, one for backup and a backup pencil for my first backup pencil.
Of course not.
I spent the last two months studying for more than I was worth. After all, a test is just a quiz of information. Things that needs to be learned so you can either pass onto something new, or stick your head in a book and stay there.
I guess when you have a habit of tripping over things, you tend to always second-guess yourself and double-check to make sure your shoelaces are tied.
Sneaking a glance around the room, I spot Mimi’s perfect ponytail. My twin is confident and cheerful in the midst of my secret doom.
The proctor announces the time and the procedure for the first half of the college entrance test.
Obviously there are two halves and they will cover five different ranges.
I wish I didn’t eat oatmeal and eggs for breakfast. My stomach feels horrible.
Mimi had a power smoothie. It must work. She didn’t even bother to study much for the test. She’s prettier and smarter.
The test booklets are handed out and I painstakingly pencil my information in the answer form.
Getting into this college means everything to me. Our community college doesn’t have the classes I want to take and I would miss Mimi. So here I am taking the test to get into her college to my own courses.
I hope we both pass.
I am a shadow.
But I like being her shadow.
Dear Heavenly Father, please, please help me now. I know I have to do this myself, but my stomach…
“Time!” The proctor calls. “You may begin…now.”
Pages turn and pencils scratch across blank spaces.
I am relieved to find that I can understand at least half of the problems in this section.
Time ticks by as torturously as possible.
Raising my hand for the next booklet, redness touches my cheeks when I realize that I’m the last to finish.
A wrinkle of her prominent nose accompanies the proctor and her fake smile as she personally delivers my booklet and calls the time again.
At break, Mimi rushes over to me, asking if she can have one of my protein bars. “I’m starving!” She exclaims, tearing the wrapper off and swallowing my snack in two perfect bites.
I offer her my soda as well. The oatmeal and eggs are still sitting pretty in my stomach.
“Thanks sis!” She accepts it with sigh and gives a shudder after several gulps. “Are you doing all right? I can’t see you in the back. I didn’t think the test would be this hard.” Her cell phone rings and I am forgotten.
The remaining sections of the test crawl by and I am only relieved to have survived it.
Results will come in the mail along with a letter of acceptance if I have passed. I can only hope and pray.
The week blurs by until I come downstairs to find Mimi crying. There is no need to ask what is wrong.
The white envelope in her lap and expensive stationary in her hand, tell the story she cannot.
Her eyes are brimming with a sadness I can’t fathom as she nods towards the mail on the coffee table.
My destiny awaits me in the remaining envelope.
Shaking fingers slide under the flap, slicing one finger in the process. I suck it as I draw the papers out.
Dear Miss Myla Junheart, we are pleased to inform you of your acceptance into…
The letter floats to the floor.
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