The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 746 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
What a story line! But it seems to leave me hanging. Could you continue it somehow later?
01/10/08
Great build-up of the suspense. The tension was absolutely palpable. Darn that word count.
01/11/08
This sounds like the beginning of a first chapter in an Adventure novel. I wish I knew what happened next! great story! I like how you showed the difference her choice would make and why she had to make it anyway. ^_^
01/12/08
Wow, talk about leaving us on the edge of our seats! I almost fell off mine! Good job drawing us in....
01/14/08
What happens next? Great story, had me drawn in from the beginning.
Loved the tension! Squirmed the whole way through.
01/16/08
What about the tourists, the plant, William, the disc, the family, the bad guys, the good guys, Rosa? Yep, you set me up good and left me hanging. I hope this is just a first installation, and you give us more each week, so at the end of the quarter, we have the full story!
You can't just leave us hanging in midair like this...more please.
01/16/08
Oh rats. I was waiting and waiting for you to post your link and now...well...rats. I want to read the WHOLE thing. Is this a trick?! Where are the hidden spy cameras aimed at taping your readers faces when they don't get to read the ending laid out nice and neat and tied with a bow?. Yes, it's suspenseful and well-written which is why-oh...you know.
01/16/08
Hmmmm. I know the ending is actually in here. My summation is that she is going to give the kidnappers the disc to save her family. That is why she wants forgiveness from God and why her heart 'sank'. Will I ever know if I am right? Like always, I get lost in your stories and forget about reality while reading. Sequel please?
Is there possibly a dilemna here, not giving the evidence saves her family...but God understand and forgives her for not following the law? I'm not sure, but I sure liked your writing style.
01/16/08
Way to create suspense for the reader -- from your first sentence to "the ending on this page" Yes, I was wishing for more too! Ethical questions -- I wish I had answers! Great writing.
01/16/08
Really like your style,how do you pack so much storyline into 750 words? Enjoyed the mystery.
01/16/08
I always love a good Dub story. You've got a great imagination! The storyline was quite catching! Great job, as always!
01/17/08
Wow! You hit another one out of the park, Dub! It reads like a screenplay for tv or movie...
You may add my kudos to the heap even if you don't play fair.
01/18/08
And then what happens?

I love the way you use ... what are they called ... speech tags? You've made it perfectly clear who says what but haven't got all those 'she said', 'he said' etc. Expertly written.