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The month on the calendar is now February,
that short one I always used to dread.
The fourteenth meant joy for other people--
those who dated, got engaged, and were wed.
But I grew up, and then grew old,
all without a hint of romance.
I never got a card, a note, or a letter;
I never got invited to a dance.
While other women enjoyed an evening out,
or had flowers sent to them on the job,
I quietly mourned my romantic rejection,
or retreated to the bathroom to sob.
Decades passed, while I stood on the outside--
as February after February went by.
Eventually the tears began to dry up,
and my exclusion no longer made me cry.
I settled in to a life alone,
and made my way along on this earth.
God was my comfort, my strength, and my all;
He gave me a sense of my worth.
If I was good enough for Him to die for me
I must be of value in His eyes.
The males I encountered just didn't see me
as someone to be sought as a prize.
Then, oh-so-suddenly, after all this time,
a man seemed to think I was pretty keen.
He called, and after I had fully freaked out
we went out and I felt like a teen!
We struck up a friendship, and then it deepened;
my dried up old heart came to life.
As days, then weeks, then months went by
I wondered if this old maid could become a wife!
Here we are in February, and things aren't the same:
I have a boyfriend, and reason to hope!
I might actually get some sort of Valentine token
rather than faking a smile while I mope.
Then two evenings before Valentine's Day,
we sat talking in his beat up old Ford.
I said I was happy to have found a Christian man-
who didn't mind coming in second to the Lord.
I expected a response that was similar in nature--
I thought he felt the same about me.
But instead he was quiet, and thinking it over,
and finally simply said, "I see."
I was surprised to hear a quality in his voice,
he sounded very hurt and offended.
He called me at work the very next day-
and told me our relationship had ended.
Being second to God wasn't good enough for him,
he wanted to be nothing but number one.
If I couldn't or wouldn't change my mind...
that was it. I couldn't. We were done.
I left work early, went home, and sat in silence.
Was I dreaming or was this all true?
Lord, help me while I pursue wholeness again,
I'll be leaning extra heavily on You.
A saying goes, "It's better to have loved and lost,
than never to have loved at all."
At this moment I can't imagine that's valid--
I wish I'd never answered that first call!
Maybe by this time next year I'll know
that it's okay to have loved once and lost.
I already know that I did the right thing-
I must cling to You, no matter what the cost!
My prayer, Lord, and I know that You can do it,
is please heal me--bit by bit, hour by hour.
Let Valentine's Day now serve to remind me
of Your grace, Your touch, and Your power.
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