The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/15/07
A great story in itself, but when enhanced and beautified by numerous adjectives and multi-adverbs (a textbook of tools taught by Writing Instructors) - a technique that may work brilliantly with the casual reader; but for the busy reader, or one who has a short attention span, like me, the beauty of the non-essentials bogged me down to the point of "Hurry up, get to the point!". But the bottom line...a great story, beautifully written, with indepth beauty for the majority of readers. Aren't you glad there aren't many readers with serious attention disorders like me? (*.*).
12/15/07
This story was amazingly poignant and beautifully descriptive and masterfully moving. Excellent.
12/16/07
The rich settings you describe for each vignette are just...wonderful! You painted each scene with vivid word choices and distinctive emotions. I really like the ending and how you brought the reader full circle back to the opening scene.
12/16/07
Very nice! I love your descriptions. You placed me right into the story:) Great job! I'm all alone in the hospital and you've made my Sunday a bit brighter! Thank you for that, too!
Laury
12/17/07
I love this story. Your writing is very eloquent, and well crafted. It has a great flow. The opening sentence a bit too long - a shorter opener is a better attention grabber - but once I got into the story, I was hooked, right to the great ending. :) Cat.