I can’t believe the pastor said that Satan goes to church. He even said that Satan is in church more than most Christians.
I heard it, but I don’t get it. Until I start looking around …
Oh yeah, there’s that mother and daughter who both had, um, breast augmentations. Look how the daughter dresses. So inappropriate for church, with her short, tight skirt. Satan’s definitely over there.
And look at that guy who’s in the Praise Team. He thinks he’s too cool with those cowboy boots; rocking out on stage like this is American Idol. He’s certainly not praising God … he’s just putting on a show. I really wish the Music Minister would get rid of him. His antics are distracting and make it difficult for me to enjoy the worship time.
Then there’s the elder who acts so pious – like he’s somehow more religious than the rest of us. His wife is very snooty, and I heard his daughter is pregnant and not married. Shouldn’t he be taking care of business at home instead of getting into everyone’s business at the church? Satan sure has their family in the palm of his hand.
And what about the head usher? He spends more time organizing people than he does in the church service. I’ll bet he never hears an entire sermon … and that’s probably why he wants to be head usher. He doesn’t want to be at church for God, he just wants to look important. Yep, Satan’s back there whispering in his ear to keep him busy and prideful.
Those two women sitting behind us sure have an attitude. They mumble under their breath, but loud enough for us to hear, when we sit in front of them – apparently making it difficult for them to see the screen. Then they have the nerve to act sweet when it’s time for ‘meet-n-greet.’ They know this is ‘our’ pew – we sit here every week. They could sit somewhere else – like the front row, where no one can block their view. I should really pray for their hearts … they’re obviously bringing Satan to church with them.
Uh-oh, it’s time for the offering. I need to busy myself looking at the bulletin. The ushers make you feel so guilty when you don’t put anything in the basket – they should be ashamed of themselves.
I see the Monday Bible study is starting up again. It would be nice to go … but not if that crabby old lady still attends. I don’t know where she gets off thinking she can correct my child. If she has a problem with one of my kids, she should come to me. I know I have to forgive her, but I don’t have to be in a Bible study with her. I think she might even be demon-possessed, and I sure don’t need that in my life.
Oh wow. They’re actually starting a sexual addiction support group? What is going on here? I mean, alcoholism and drug abuse is one thing, but sexual addiction? We don’t want those people at our church. And look who’s leading it. I wonder if he was, or is, a sex addict. He must be … why would he be leading it if he wasn’t? I had no idea. He seems so nice. So straight-laced. So Christian. How humiliating for his poor wife. You know everyone will be talking about her. You just never know the people Satan has under his control.
And speaking of … I can’t believe the voice I just heard. And he’s actually laughing out loud at the pastor’s joke. (Darn it, I missed the joke.) What would possess him to show up here? He cheated on his wife; left her, married the ‘other woman,’ and is now sitting with her in ‘our’ church. What nerve! And the church let him come in? Shouldn’t someone have stopped him at the door? Isn’t that the job of the elders or church leaders? I will definitely be talking to someone, or writing a letter, about this. It’s like inviting Satan himself … guess that’s what the pastor was talking about.
Well, another week of church is over. Good message today – I hope people were listening.
Grab my Bible, jacket and … oops. “Oh, excuse me sir. I didn’t see you slip in next to me; you’re awfully quiet. Do I know you? There’s something about you that’s vaguely familiar. Oh, and welcome to our church.”
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