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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: The Church (12/06/07)

TITLE: Church Doesn't Need Us Anyway
By dub W
12/09/07


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The laughter finally subsided and six friends began leaving the big round table at the local hamburger shop. Susan and Misty stayed behind sipping their drinks and playing with napkins.

Misty pretended to wipe a spot on the table. “So, like, you going to church tomorrow?”

“Suppose. I mean if I don’t mom will have a hissy fit.”

“Yeah, I hear that. But, I don’t wanna go to the eleven o’clock service. Bunch of old people and the yucky choir. I heard the little kids’ bell choir is gonna perform. I just don’t need the aggravation.” Misty moved her cup and swiped at the accumulated moisture.

“Shessh, that’ll make it late.”

Misty laughed. “Yeah, that’s what dad says; he won’t be able to get to the golf course for his regular Sunday bash with his buddies.

Susan looked up. “Hey, there’s Joey Buford. He goes to Faith Assembly; I heard they really rock.”

“I know, but they have that goofy preacher who starts singing in the middle of his sermon, then folks start yell’n and stuff.”

“Wow, I didn’t know all that.” Susan took a long sip. “We could go over to New Song Church. They have a praise band, and lots of free food in the lobby. Sodas and stuff.”

Misty shrugged, then shivered. “Yeah, but you have to hug everybody standing around out there. And, I am not about to hug Mary Orlen; she goes there and she is such a dweeb.” Misty laughed. “I can see you getting hugged by some of those gross people.” She laughed again. “I’d have to take you to the hospital.”

“I can’t help it. I just don’t like people touching me. Say we go over to Saint Mark’s Chapel – they are pretty up and down, and the service is short; no Sunday School.”

“Look at my shoes.” Misty lifted her foot. “I haven’t got any shoes to wear over there. Besides, remember when we did that vesper thing there last year? They are so straight laced, everything polished and shining. We’d stick out there like Jenny’s tongue.”

The two friends rocked with laughter. Susan took the top off of her drink and crunched on an ice cube. “Why don’t we just go to the middle service at Centenary? We won’t have to go to Sunday school that way, we go to church and solve my mom’s problem, and the middle service is short with lots of music, so it’s tolerable.”

Misty thought for moment. “Yeah, that might work. I got a bunch of homework, and if Randy Smith is there he can do my math for me.”

“Yeah, if we sit in the balcony nobody will even notice us. I can bring some chips and stuff and we can have a little party of our own while the whole thing goes down.” Susan took a long draw on her drink trying to find liquid in the bottom.

“Isn't this the first Sunday? They’re not doing communion or anything nasty like that tomorrow are they?” Misty curled her lip.

“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that. Let me check.” Susan flipped open her cell phone and dialed a number. A second later she said, “Hey Liddy, we were wondering, do you know if we’re doing communion at church tomorrow?” There was a pause. “Oh, really.” Another pause. “Thanks. See ya.” Susan closed up the phone. “Okay, Liddy says that her dad said that tomorrow is some kind of special communion service, and like, they’re doing ‘drive-by’ communion.”

Misty frowned. “Naw, I don’t like dipping; you have to go down front and dip the bread. Really gross. I’m not doing that.”

“My thoughts exactly. I think we outta blow it off. I’ll just tell mom I’m going to middle service. Then, tomorrow morning I’ll run by and pick up two bulletins for our proof. We can meet at the coffee shop, about ninish. Whacha think?”

“Right on sister.” Misty held out her hand and the two friends pretended to do a high five, without touching hands.

Susan stood and brushed off her sweatshirt. “Yeah, the church doesn’t need us anyway.”

Saint Peter wiped a tear from his eye and looked up at Jesus. The Lord shook his head and walked away.


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This article has been read 614 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Karen Wilber 12/13/07
This one really kept me reading to find out what they'd finally do. Sad that they can't see that they need church fellowship. Your MCs were teens, but they could be any age. This was well done.
Joanne Sher 12/13/07
That last paragraph is such the clincher. You did a very good job with the voice.
Marilyn Schnepp 12/15/07
Neat! Definitely "on topic", and loved the so real teenage chit-chat - and a great last liner to close. Nicely done, unique, creative, and a sad, but entertaining read.
Donald Ford12/17/07
This certainly was written the way it might have been spoken. Good out of character piece (I hope) , but it certainly deserves a good long look at. I love confrontation and I know the Lord wants us to be real, but most importantly, we should have an impact on folks of all ages and be very aware of there needs and thoughts.

Don
Betty Castleberry12/18/07
You nailed the teen dialogue. This held my attention, and the last line tied the whole thing up nicely. Well done.
Sharon Henderson12/18/07
No chance at 201st place this week! Great story. Held my attention from the beginning to the fabulous, unexpected ending.
Janice Cartwright12/18/07
You nailed teen dialogue down tight and did all the other stuff right too. Should be a winner for sure.
Catrina Bradley 12/19/07
Ah, Dub, this is awesome. Great dialog, wonderful details, and even tho I really prefer a happy ending, the one you wrote is perfect for your story.
Mariane Holbrook12/19/07
You have the teen lingo down pat! Are you sure you weren't hiding under the table listening? Great job showing our careless attitude toward the church, and it's true not only with teens,either. You're right. It must break Jesus' heart.
Jan Ackerson 12/19/07
Dude, this rocks!

I had a genuine *gulp* when I got to the last line, which was, like, totally unexpected. Awesome!
Temple Miller12/19/07
Dub, how can you create such great teenage-girl dialogue? The story read just like I was sitting beside them. And the last thought? My breath caught in my throat. No matter what the judges decide, this piece is an absolute winner!
Sara Harricharan 12/19/07
The ending is really sad. I sort of kept hoping they wouldn't just blow the whole thing off, but they did. Very realistic teen dialouge, my only note is in the first line when she asks if they're going to church, is the word "are" missing?
Sheri Gordon12/19/07
Wow. You nailed the teenage dialogue! And your last line left a huge lump in my throat. Very creative piece. Great job with the topic.
Laury Hubrich 12/20/07
Hey Dub, are you a teen girl at heart? Just wondering... LOL! You nailed this conversation. Great job!
Laury
LauraLee Shaw12/25/07
Oh, my goodness. What a fantastic entry! I giggled over this line: We’d stick out there like Jenny’s tongue.”

Well done.