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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Valentine (05/16/05)

TITLE: When Love Is Gone
By Lois Jennison Tribble
05/22/05


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"Forget the lawyer -- I want to call my husband." After photographs and fingerprints, the booking officer waited by the water cooler while I called Harry. What a public spot to hold a private conversation, I thought, but at least no one could hear Harry!

"Harry?" I opened casually.

(Harry)

"No, dear, I wasn't kidnapped" -- although that seemed more plausible than any explanation I could offer. I'd schemed over Valentine's Day for weeks, hoping to transform our loveless marriage. After bobbing like Noah's Ark through floodwaters for thirty-one years, our relationship landed on the rocks when the water subsided and our children dispersed. Dear God: help us, I prayed.

(Harry)

"No, there isn't any ransom."

(Harry)

"I DIDN'T run away -- I know you're hungry. Look in the kitchen! I made steaks, and homemade bread and ev--"

(Harry)

"I TOLD you: NO RANSOM! LISTEN to me!" Glancing at the water cooler, I pretended the four snickering officers huddling like bums around a trashburner were invisible. I failed, just like before when pretending I was invisible.

"I'm at police headquarters. . . . . . . . . Honey?. . . . . Are you listening?"

(Harry)

"I SAID I WASN'T KIDNAPPED!!" I clutched my blanket more tightly: those six men at the water cooler unnerved me.

(Harry)

"I'm fine. I. . . I 've been arrested."

(Harry)

"Yes."

(Harry)

"Disturbing the peace, and. . . and"

"Indecent exposure," whispered Officer Trumbull, who had arrested me.

"And indecent exposure." The words choked me.

(Harry)

"Because I wanted to surprise you with a present!"

(Harry)

"I thought we could raise love birds."

(Harry)

"Yes, love birds. Didn't you notice the cage? Wanda called them Love and Marriage -- I bought the pair from her."

(Harry)

"Adam and Eve does NOT sound better! Love and Marriage belong together. . . is Marriage okay?"

(Harry)

"Well, go look in the dining room."

(Harry)

"That's a relief! Love vanished when I dashed outside to pick avocados for your guacamole!"

(Harry)

"STOP YELLING! You LOVE guacamole!"

(Harry)

"I have NOT lost my mind! Would you just listen? What good is Marriage without Love? When Love flew out the door I followed up the avocado tree on the ladder. You know Mr. Swanson and those binoculars -- he called the police."

(Harry)

"I climbed over the garage to get him."

(Harry)

"NOT MR. SWANSON! Listen! I went after Love!"

(Harry)

"I'm sorry: I forgot about the negligee."

(Harry)

"Yes, I DO! The negligee was your second present."

(Harry)

"I thought you'd prefer unwrapping ME!"

(Harry)

I glared at the phone. How insulting! In spite of my determination, hot tears escaped. I wiped my eyes with Kleenex Officer Trumbull offered. That was the second time now he'd rescued me.

How could this happen? All my careful planning. . . coming to this. How humiliating! Being dressed in nothing but a negligee, it wasn't even necessary to frisk me! Never mind that now. . . What was Harry saying?

(Harry)


"I TOLD you! FORGET Mr. Swanson! I just wanted LOVE! I'm at the POLICE STATION surrounded by men." I lowered my voice: "What if I have a hot flash?"

(Harry)

"No, Officer Trumbull covered me -- but you know how I get. . ."

(Harry)

"Of course -- I bought it for YOU!"

(Harry)

"Uh huh. . . even flimsier."

(Harry)

"But it's VALENTINE'S Day: It was a surprise!"

(Harry)

"Forget the negligee!" The water cooler gurgled, half-empty now in the half-full room."

(Harry)

"Mr. Swanson called the police. I almost had him. . ."

(Harry)

"No, not HIM! Love! Then Officer Trumbull grabbed me."

(Harry)

"To COVER me."

(Harry)

"You do? Oh, that's wonderful!" I gushed.

(Harry)

I shared the news with Officer Trumbull. "Love is back! Even though he wandered, he came back because of Marriage. That's commitment, for you!"

Someone shouted above the cheering men, "You're right, lady. You don't need a lawyer -- you need a marriage counselor!"

I returned to Harry: "Sweetheart? Hurry! Come and get me -- I'm having a hot flash!"

Is this flattery or insult? Two seconds later twenty half-empty water cups converged upon me. Did I look THAT bad without the blanket? Hmmmm. . . What was meant by the "indecent exposure" charge? Maybe next time I'll opt for sweats!

Maybe next time. . . Isn't that what marriage is all about? Another chance, with God's help. Thank you, Jesus. Maybe my prayer is being answered, even now.


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Member Comments
Member Date
Maxx .05/23/05
ok, that's a funny one. lol
Dixie Phillips 05/23/05
You have the gift of wit! What a hoot!
Lynda Lee Schab 05/24/05
What fun! I loved the humor here - some GREAT one-liners! Very clever! Excellent job (with a good message too!)
Blessings, Lynda
Phyllis Inniss 05/24/05
Pretty original.
Val Clark05/25/05
A very funny and visual story. Lovely play on words.
Shirley Thomas05/26/05
This is great! It is amazingly funny! I really enjoyed it.
darlene hight05/27/05
So much fun! Loved it!
Debbie OConnor05/30/05
Very funny stuff! :)