The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
12/07/07
Good point of view! You did well speaking as a teenager. (something hard for me) Well written.
12/07/07
Wonderful characterization - this would be wonderful for teens. You got the dialog down pat.
12/07/07
I really like this. Very interesting and creative POV. You did a great job with little descriptive details that gave the story life.

A couple typos in the middle of the story -- but easily caught with another proofing.

I thought the ending was perfect. Good job with the topic.
12/08/07
I loved this. Great mixture of teenage resentment, angst and the longing for peer acceptance. And yes, flock groups IS a terrible name!
12/08/07
Unique slant on the topic. Very well done.
12/10/07
Excellent--the teen's voice was very realistic, with the clipped sentences, the wry humor, the barely disguised resentment. Just the right tone here.
You developed your character so well, and the scene was entirely believable. I ached for the members of this unfortunate group. I'm glad you ended on a positive note.
I loved how the teens found comfort in knowing they were not alone while their moms were doing the same. The voice of your narrator is just right.