The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Very nice descriptions in here. Thank you for sharing about this one home group.
Good flow of the story ending in a change in the MCs heart. So many people with hurting lives like the ones you describe. Thank God for the support of small groups.
Honesty and warmth-that's a good small group picture. Great characters and dialogue!
Very good! This young woman became so real to me! And I broke out in a big grin over "Oh sugar snap." Three words that just seem to capture the essence of her personality.
I loved being inside the MC and I loved the change when they were praying.
RED PEN: My suggestion is to cut most of the beginning and jump right into her remembering her mom's updates, with self comments interspersed. Then, when she introduces herself to the group, the reader finds out why she is greeting everyone. I like the ending.
(I just saw you in the Red Pen District, LoL.)
Red Pen: The 3rd phrase felt disjointed to me until I tacked it onto the previous line and understood that Tio was a person, her mother specifically. Once I understood that the confussion cleared right up. Like I said earlier, I loved being inside the MC's head and seeing her personality from that angle. 'Remembering' Mother's updates like that added a lot to the story. Hearing them pray brought out the depth and compassion--I really liked this, even the first part, which I felt really brought out her personality.
I liked a lot about this story: great dialogue, great descriptions, and great heart. Very, nice!
The best way to minister is to open yourself up to ministry. That's small group at it's best. Well done.
I loved your beginning sentence. It draws people in, because we all wake up and have those days. This is filled with warmth and excellence. Good job!
I thought the way you continued with the information about each person through the prayers was done excellently. This is quite realistic and well done.
I love the thoughts to herself in the beginning -- it sets up the story and the wonderful ending. Her perception of her small heart definitely grew--as God opened the eyes of her heart! Excellent writing!
I liked the way this piece unfolded and showed the reader how, by trusting God and following your heart, you can help others in their faith, allow for healing and find it for yourself as well. Well done!
A beautiful picture of a home group. You made your characters so real in such a short time. Great job with the topic.
I fell in love witht he MC and her compassion. Your charactors were so real, and you wrote so well. I felt like I was right there in the room with them.