My name is Melon Collie, and I’m a divorced widow. I was still in denial about the
divorce when Harry died, so I’m in mourning and have no intention of being happy
My best friend, Anna Litical, a retired math teacher, my neighbor , Peace Ennie
Price, a recovering codependent, and my nemesis , Pollie Anna Cleaver, who never
has a bad day, decided to start an account ability group because our pastor said
we all need account ability.
No one knew quite what that was, so Peace, who became the leader, read up on the
subject. She learned “we have take off our masks, be real, and ask others for help
in our walk with God . Getting ‘down’ and openly honest is the key here.”
I’m always down, so no problem.
We all came to the first meeting without makeup, and Peace told us that wasn’t what
it meant to not wear masks. What a relief. It's a real stretch for me to love
these women with no makeup.
The book said we all hide behind facades, and the REAL us has to come out to be
pleasing to God and a witness to others. Apparently watching Dr. Phil would come
in handy here.
Since honesty was encouraged, I was relieved , because Pollie got on my deepest
nerve, and finally I could tell her the truth.
Anna Lytical came with a spread sheet and a calculator, excited to be able to use
her math skills. She wanted to show us her “account ability.” Apparently she’s getting
senile, but please don’t tell her I said that.
Polly said this was going to be easy for her, because she had “nothing to hide.”
My mission was to find some dirt on Polly. With grace, of course.
Anna started out “being real” by telling us how she has been trying to help out
her hubby lately as he seemed depressed. She’d been probing his past, trying to
find the missing link to his childhood, but coming up with nothing. She said his
depression was contagious, and she needed therapy again. We told her please pray
first, as she tends to end up analyzing the poor therapist.
Since Anna took off her “proverbial” mask by sharing, we got excited. We were starting
to account, and so far, it was painless.
That is, until Pollie opened her big fakey mouth.
Pollie thought Anna should just be sweet,loving ,and kind to her hubby, because
that always worked for her. Apparently Pollie and Willie never fight. I secretly
wondered if they even breathe.
I chose to keep quiet.
Then I realized that was a mask. I wasn’t being “real.”
So I told her “you sometimes make me want to puke.”
I felt I needed some applause here, but everyone froze.
The look on Peace’s face was priceles. This put her in panic mode.
“Now, now ladies. Remember this is group is God- centered. No confrontations until
trust is built. Polly, please don’t give any advice. We need you to tell us your
“That’s nice, but I don’t struggle. God put me here to give ya’ll the answers. “
“I think we all need to know what each other’s expectations are here for our new
group.” Peace added as she passed the brownies and refilled the coffee.
Peace was obviously losing peace.
“Well I thought it was going to be math related. I did major in accounting, but
I’m willing to try whatever if you all want to do this. If you want me to talk,
then just listen and don’t give me your answers to MY issues.”
“I thought this was going to be fun, because ya’ll know I don’t do tension well.
This is harder than I thought it would be.” Peace was on the verge of crying.
“I thought I could change ya’ll ‘cause to be honest, you all have so many issues.
My testimony about what positive confessions can do for you is why I’m here. ”
“I needed a place to vent and complain because my life is impossible lately. It’s
never my fault, because I try so hard.” I was still fuming that Polly was such a
We sat in silence. Finally Peace broke the tension.
“Pastor suggested we read that book on accountability, based on scripture. Let’s
start there reading a chapter a week and discussing it.
The only rule now is MAKEUP is MANDATORY.”
We all agreed that was a great idea.
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