The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
11/29/07
Excellent job of building the tension and suspense. Your descriptions are very, very vivid. Excellent.
11/30/07
Wonderful suspense. I felt the trio's sense of urgency. The dialogue flowed smoothly, and was very realistic. Good job with the topic.
A wonderful story of God's guidance. Your descriptions are awesome.
This is so authentic. It's how the Spirit works, how He brings all things together for His glory and our good when we are sensitive to His gifts. Just beautiful, wonderful writing.
Wow. This was captivating. I love it. It's a perfect story for the topic. Your descriptions and imagery were indeed masterful. Wow.
This should be a movie. I could see the scenes so clearly. Loved the writing, loved the message. Wonderful job.
12/03/07
Impeccable, masterful writing here. You captured my imagination and held it tight to the end.
12/03/07
Wow. This was in full color and surround sound for me! Excellent job! Hugs!
12/03/07
Beautiful story of the gifts in action. Love the characters and the setting.
Great opening paragraph and the rest of the writing did not disppoint. Excellent!
12/04/07
I'm covered in goosebumps. Excellent, excellent storytelling from sensory details to suspense and resolve. I loved it!
12/04/07
Wow. Very suspenseful, well written, great message. Wonderful!
This is a truly masterful story in every way--hope it places high.
This is more than a story, it's a testimony of how the gifts of the Holy Spirit still empower ordinary yielded vessels to accomplish the supernatural. I've heard of foreigners hearing their native tongue before, but never so compellingly told. I want to share this one...
12/05/07
I just re-read it, and I love it even more than the first time. It's just beautiful!
12/05/07
Excellent in every way. Such a compelling story in so few words. A Masterpiece, for sure! I love the way it shows how God uses the supernatural to show His sovereign love and compassion for His people. Excellent!! :)
RED PEN REQUEST:
I stand by everything I said before. This is WONDERFUL! Since you requested, here are the nit picky things I could come up with:
The first time I read it I was a little confused when first introduced to the characters. However, on second reading everything was crystal clear. Are Fargo and The Lost Sheep different titles for the same song?

Technical things: I think it should be "supposed". Also I think "It was locked" should be a new sentence or you should add "but" in the sentence. However, I am not the expert in this area.

My main thought for improvement was the ending. I think it was a little rushed for the lady who was about to kill herself to be playing at the conference hours later. Perhaps it was testimony time? I would have liked more reason or explanation for this. You might could have ended your story in the room.

Just my thoughts. Again, I thought it was EXCELLENT. And that's the HONEST truth.
12/05/07
Oh, this gave me shivers here! The title, the way everything was tied togethere in the end. WOW! This was just GREAT! Awesome writing-this is powerful stuff.
12/05/07
masterful entry. great plot and use of the topic.
I was so wrapped up in this I felt like I was running right along with this trio. I could see myself running across the street and breaking the door down with them. It was hard to find anything that needed red ink my friend. The only suggestion I would have would be the ending. But, I'm not sure I know enough to recommend anything, I'm only in Level 2!

In all honesty, I really thought this was fantastic writing.
12/05/07
Wow! What a story! This is awesome!

Now for the Red Pen ;) ... I felt your two opening paragraphs were a tad too descriptive which was a little distracting and the ending a tad rushed, but that's all.

I loved the whole story line and the feel of this piece. It comes though very well and you did a great job of caring the reader all the way through. I loved this.
12/05/07
Wow, look at all the nice comments, Bill!

This is gorgeous writing, and I agree with everything Pat said about the beginning and the ending--she just beat me to it.

I could definitely feel the heart-pumping suspense...you had me rivited to the page.
12/06/07
Mr. Price, you asked for red ink, and as my short critique mentioned before, I have none for you. Excellent opening, great positive ending, loved the seriousness of what was at stake, and the pace of the story.
12/06/07
Congratulations on your much-deserved EC. This was one of my favorites.
12/06/07
I really loved this essay! Wonderful use of the gifts. I like the way you brought the elements all together, but began with such mystery. Kept me involved all the way.
12/06/07
Congratulations on your EC win. Here's my 'red pen' comments. I don't think it is supposed to be a 'tree' piece, but a pop(u)lar piece. Also Brenda had already been introduced, so I think it would read better if you said 'the' slender female, not 'a' slender female. I would have liked to have seen Bjorn Reiersen's name introduced when we met him, it seemed out of place later. But overall, I found this to be a beautiful, stiring piece, about tongues, interpretation of tongues, and a word of knowledge about the woman's past. This is also one of the few articles to address the Gifts of the Spirit.
12/06/07
Now those are some powerful gifts! Captivating writing. Congrats, my friend. Love, Cat