The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/29/07
Very tender and moving.

I caught some errors in punctuation and spelling, and a switch from first person to third person at the end...one more edit might have done the trick!

I like your narrator's voice, and the use of present tense gives it a sense of immediacy.
11/29/07
Nice story - handled very creatively with well-drawn characters. Does need a little grammar check!
12/01/07
I enjoyed reading this story!
Laury