I was so sorry to hear of your sorrow.
If all this doesn’t make you feel downright fortunate, I don’t know what will.
I’m sure you’ll soon hear about Cara and Clark. Yes, they’re divorcing. He’s leaving her -- for another man. Since such relationships are now legal in their state (for now anyway), they want to ‘make it official’. It’s so sad, especially for the children, and Cara too of course. Bless her heart; she says she’s just thankful Clark’s not a drug addict. At least this way, she figures he won’t totally abandon the children. (But she’ll fight for full custody if she has to.)
The world is so much scarier than when I was growing up. But that just means we have to look that much harder for God’s glory.
Remember Hank’s cousin Fran? She got married for the first time at age 50. Oh, don’t let that scare you. It might not have taken so long if she hadn’t sold herself short and spent a decade with an abusive man -- and another decade with a married man. God led her to the right one in the end though. They’re still going strong. They’re both in their eighties now and they are the cutest couple, always holding hands... It sure gives me hope for my golden years.
My neighbor, Janie, postponed her wedding because of a rather extreme case of cold feet. She’d only ever dated Johnny. They did marry, eventually; I think it took her like six years to be ready. (He has the patience of a saint.) They’re still together, happily, 22 years later. They even survived losing a child. What could be worse than that? God gave them adorable twin girls -- when the time was right.
As for your biological clock, don’t fret too much. (Easier said than done?) Remember, I had Joey when I was 38, Louie at 42, and Frankie at 43. Thank God they’re all healthy. (Very healthy, they totally wipe me out!) Call me crazy, but sometimes I still wish for a fourth. But at our age, I think it’d have to be adoption -- unless of course God has other plans for us. Oh my, what would Hank say?
Hank’s co-worker, Lorraine, and her husband tried to get pregnant for, like, 16 years. Then she lost a ton of weight and they got pregnant without even trying. Sadly, she lost the baby -- and gave up on parenthood forever. I just don’t understand. If they’d adopted a child like twelve years ago, they could now be the proud parents of a hormonal teenager.
There are so many children out there in need of a good home. Seriously, it took some time to conceive Joey (though not so long once I learned just a bit about natural family planning), so long I started thinking about adoption. These things can’t be rushed Amy. We’re all on God’s time.
Not that I’m talking from personal experience here, but folks don’t normally think of things this way, and they should. Just for a moment, think of all the things about Ben that drive you crazy -- and the things about yourself that you’d love to change. Now, imagine those same traits in all of your kids. Does that scare you?
Is that one of the things they brought up in Pre-Cana? You’re not the first, nor the last, couple to call things off after pre-marital counseling. That is the goal of the classes, to fully open your eyes as to what exactly you might be in for. That’s why it’s required by the church. Those sorts of topics don’t always come up in everyday conversation.
Hopefully you and Ben will be able to remain friends. Cara still says Clark is her best friend. She says she vowed before God to love him forever, and she will. She says she’ll always care about what happens to him, and not just because he’s the father of her children. Oh sure, she has bad days, like everyone, but I’d say God prepared her well for her latest challenge. He’s been working on you, too, Amy. Don’t give up the faith.
I hope some part of this has helped you in some way. Don’t be afraid to give me a ring, or come visit; it’s been way too long. A change of scenery might be just what you need right now.
Your old friend and mentor,
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