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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Sunday School (10/25/07)

TITLE: Cell Phone Blues


(Or, Did Jesus Have Something Else in Mind All Along?)

"Oh no! No, no, no, no..." Lord, what did I do with my lesson? First my phone, now this. Pleeease help me...


"No, it’s Kayla. Hi, I had to borrow my mom’s phone."

"I lost it; that's why I'm calling. I wondered if you found it and my Sunday School lesson plan in your car?”

“Are you sure? No, that’s okay."

"Yeah, the only other person I was with was Niki. She came by after you left.”

“I know. I’m almost afraid to call her. She’s probably gonna blast me all to you-know-where if she finds those papers and sees what they're about. She hates it if I even mention the word ‘Bible’."

"Just one of those things, I guess. I was studying the lesson yesterday, and I must have been in such a hurry when she came by that I just grabbed them when I picked up my phone and stuck them both in the side pocket of my purse.”

“Um, I don’t know; I’ll think of something.”

“Yes, I am gonna need a lot of prayer."

"Thanks, you’re the best.”

Lord, what am I gonna do? You know how Niki is violently against anything Christian right now. Could I just call Mrs. Clark? I’m sure she saved a copy of the lesson ideas I sent her. She could have it to me in a sec’...No, it’ll take too long; she could just bring it. She’d...Ohhhh, I know You want me to call Niki, don’t You? Oh man, I really, really, need Your help.

“Hey, Nik..."

"No, it’s Kayla.”

“Long story. I was just wondering...well, remember when we went shopping yesterday? I, um, I think some things may have accidentally dropped out of my purse when I was in your car.”

“Front seat. Probably fell before I got out.”

“Um, my phone and some...papers."

"No, they're more the size of a small Bi...uh, book--small book.”

“Did you find them? Nik? Niki?”

Lord, please, I’ve worked so hard to become her friend. I don’t want this to turn her away before I can really witness to her. I was just waiting for the right time...

“Hi, Mom. I’m so glad you’re still there. Would you look up Mrs. Clark's number for me? I need her to bring a copy of my lesson plan to class. No, wait; hang on...I've got another call."

“Niki, what happened? Why did you...?”

“You read everything?”

“Yes, I do believe it, and actually, I can prove He’s the Son of God.”

“Fair enough. But, if you come to Sunday School with me, I could explain it even better. It’s what we’ve been studying."

"No, they’re all our age, and I think you’d really like it. Starts in fifteen minutes, so we’ll just have time."

"You know where the...? Sure, I’m all ready to go.”

Yes! Thank You, Lord! Thank You, thank You, thank You...I know this was all Your doing. You are sooo faithful...

“Hi, Mom. Sorry ‘bout that. Niki’s picking me up for Sunday School, so you don’t have to.”

“Yes, that Niki. She has my phone and lesson plan. I’ll explain later. I'd like to invite her over sometime...”

"For lunch? Great! See ya after church. Oh, and, Mom? Thanks for letting me borrow your cell phone."

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This article has been read 758 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Peter Stone11/02/07
I really like the way you showed the phone conversations from one side only, allowing us to work out what the other person was saying in each case.
william price11/02/07
(Or, Did Jesus Have Something Else in Mind All Along?)
Doesn't He always :). Thank God His ways are not ours. We never know who we are writing for.
I thought it kool as well, what she thought she lost caused another to be found. And that cell phones may be good for something afterall :)
I loved the quick pace and snappy monologue. Excellent job. God bless.
Sharlyn Guthrie11/02/07
I like this story, but because it was telephone conversation, I got a little confused about who the speakers were at times. I wonder if it would work to combine all the words of one speaker in a paragraph before moving on to the next speaker. Just a thought.
Verna Cole Mitchell 11/04/07
I loved how we knew the whole story with just one side of the conversations on the phone given. Isn't it great how God uses us to fulfill His plan--just like you showed?
Kristen Hester11/05/07
Great story and cute title. I liked also that we only heard one side of the conversation. This was very clever, but if I'm not wrong (which I often am) I don't think you put close quotes when the same speaker is going to continue in the next paragraph. I was confused at first, thinking there was two speakers. I think it would have been much clearer if you didn't start new quotes with each line the MC said. But the content was great! Bravo!
Sara Harricharan 11/06/07
This is a personal favorite here, I really like the cell phone vibe, very neat! Excellent writing! ^_^
Betty Castleberry11/07/07
There are no coincidences, ya know. ;0) This was well written and the dialogue was great. Big thumbs up.
Pam Carlson-Hetland11/07/07
So very clever...so "today" with all of our technology. I, too, loved the quick pace and almost hearing what the other side of the conversation would be along with the thoughts and prayers of the MC. This is absolutely excellent.
Brenda Welc11/07/07
Very creative. Well done.
Loren T. Lowery11/07/07
We plan, but God directs, because he knows the best way to reach anyone, at any time in any way. This is absolutely creative and just seasoned enough to keep the reader tantalized to read on. I can just imagine God listening in on the phone, smiling and leaving a message in each of your character's hearts, "Hello, this is God, and do I ever have a message for both of you..."
Great job!
Sheri Gordon11/07/07
I must admit, I had to read this twice to get all of the dialogue. I did realize right off that it was just one person talking -- with numerous phone calls. And once I visually pictured the MC with the phone, it made the one-sided conversation easier to follow.

This must have been quite the challenge to write. This style is quite creative. Good job with the topic -- I'm impressed.
Joanne Sher 11/10/07
Just EXCELLENT job of showing the whole conversation through one side of it :) Love your start, of course - and the end (the middle's good too LOL). I love that we only saw her side of the conversation - both with the phone and God. Wonderful stuff, as usual, my friend.